Another Haven
by Rajana
Summary: What if Max and Logan had gone to the Cascades and what if the weather hadn't been what they expected? Alternate shippy version of "Haven". Complete.
1. Hiking in the Cascades

** Disclaimer: ** I don't own anything. I swear, I don't. At least nothing from the DA Universe. James Cameron is the guy who does. 

** Spoilers: ** Well, you're gonna find out when you start reading, but for those who won't: this starts where "Haven" should have taken place. 

** A/N: ** Yepp, I'm back. Hope you're not too scared. If you're expecting M/A or a lot of action: leave right now. All you're gonna get is pure M/L fluff. Everything your shipper heart needs (well, I hope), but nothing more. 

Thanks to Kasman for betaing and saving you reader from the alpha version of this :-) And, btw, the notes so far haven't been betaed. 

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** 1. Hiking in the Cascades**

"Hey," Max grinned at him, as he turned away from his computer. 

"Hey. Where you going?" he asked, wondering about the gas container and the travel bag in her hands. 

"_We_, remember?" she replied, putting down what she had been carrying. "The dizzying heights...fresh country air...hiking in the Cascades...We talked about it last week!" 

Max followed Logan as he rolled over to the table that was piled high with files and papers. "You might've noticed there've been some changes since then," he said. "Unless you're planning to roll me off of Mount Rainier, you might want to reconsider." 

"What? You're back in the chair so you can't have a life anymore?" she asked, frustrated at his attitude. 

Logan's voice stayed calm, but he couldn't hide all of his emotions. "No, but I can't exactly scale mountains, now, can I?" he gave back. 

"Forget about the dizzying heights," Max said, understanding. "What about the country air? Campfires...S'mores?" she added, pleadingly, trying to calm him down. 

Logan removed his earpiece and made up another argument, knowing Max wouldn't allow him to use the chair as his only one. "I got work to do." 

Now he had gotten her angry. "And I spent the entire morning waiting in line for gas. I did that, after I had called the agent to make sure the cabin is accessible. Turned out it isn't, but there's another one we can have." 

She turned away, knowing he was going to follow her. And he did, trying something else. He had learned by now that Max wouldn't let any of his arguments count. 

"You can't get out of the city anyway. Not without-" He was interrupted by Max, who had turned around and was showing him two cards. 

"- Sector passes," he finished his sentence, trying to take them, but Max was faster. 

"Class One, VIP, no-questions-asked sector passes. I had to hang upside-down outside the window for an hour to swipe these from police headquarters. I almost horked, I got so nauseous, and I hate horking. You're not bailing on me." 

Logan knew he had lost and smiled, conceding defeat. "Who said anything about bailing?" 

Max looked at him and at his smile. It wasn't genuine, but she knew she had won. 

"So, go and get your stuff ready," she ordered, a grin on her face. 

Logan grimaced and wheeled over to his bedroom, hearing Max's footsteps behind him. He pulled out a travel bag and threw it on his bed, then pulling clothes out of his closet. Max sat down on the bed beside him, watching. 

"Don't forget to pack warm clothes," she warned him. "It will be cold in the mountains." 

Logan sighed and held up a thick pullover. "This okay, Mom?" he asked. "I promise I'll wear my thick jacket every time I leave the house." 

Max laughed and threw a pillow at him. "Don't call me 'Mom'," she reprimanded him. 

"Don't behave as if you were," he answered, throwing back the pillow. "You could check the fridge. Might be good to take some stuff with us," Logan suggested, more to get rid of Max than to make sure they had enough food with them. He hadn't eaten much lately. 

When she'd disappeared, he finished packing his clothes and went to the bathroom to put everything he'd need in his wash bag. After he'd packed his toothbrush, toothpaste, shower gel and even a razor, he sighed and grabbed another bag from its place in the cabinet under the sink. It contained the catheterizing supplies he hadn't needed for the last two weeks. 

_ Great. I could really do without that, _he thought to himself. 

Both bags in his lap, he returned to the bedroom, where he found Max, who was obviously checking his luggage. 

"What are you doing?" he asked. "I packed my thick pullover, I promise." 

"I'm not worried about your choice of clothes. Just wanted to make sure you didn't pack your laptop. This is supposed to be a vacation and no kind of electronic equipment is allowed," she told him. 

"Oh, great," Logan sighed. "Back to the last century. Am I allowed to take my phone, if I promise not to use it for business calls? I don't like leaving the house without it, just in case..." 

Max pretended to think about it for a second, then she nodded. "Okay, take your phone. Are you ready then?" 

"Just my jacket and I'm done," he answered, putting his wash bags in the travel bag and pulling the zipper. He looked around in his bedroom, then took the bag and placed it on his lap. "You got everything from the kitchen you need?" he asked. 

"Yep," she nodded and led him to the hallway, where she'd put a large cardboard box. "In there." 

Logan smiled at the size of the box, but didn't comment. "We should load the car then," he told her, and wheeled towards the elevator. 

Down in the basement carpark he opened the trunk of his car. Max put in the two travel bags and the box, while Logan transferred to the driver's seat. 

He watched her pull out a map, while he started the engine and drove out of the garage. 

"Where are we heading?" he asked. 

"East," she told him. "Just drive, I'm gonna direct you." 

Logan nodded, his eyes on the street, but his mind spinning in circles. _The Cascades, _he thought to himself. _ I must be crazy to go there with her. These are going to be the most humiliating days of my life. Wheelchairs and mountains don't go well with each other, and if you can't change the first, you should rather avoid the second. This is going to be so embarrassing. I'll probably roll backward down some cliff and kill myself in the process. Great. Would have been easier to just have finished the job last week. _

Max stared out of the window, watching the dirty streets of Seattle pass by. Their sector passes were checked every once in a while, but they never had to stop for long. Soon the dirty streets disappeared and the landscape changed to open fields, the Cascades already showing on the horizon. 

_ I wonder what he's thinking about,_ she asked herself. _He hasn't spoken a word since we left. Maybe it was unfair to assume that we'd still go. Well, I didn't simply assume it, did I? I talked it over and over with OC. I think that even if he doesn't want to, he needs to get out of Seattle. Away from his work, away from his apartment. He's been so happy, the last weeks. I thought we'd come so far, but now, since I told him that Lydecker had killed Vertes, it's back to the beginning...Honestly, at first I was just happy that I had gotten there in time to save Jace. But on my way back to Logan I realized what the news meant for him. I never meant to put him through this. But I had never considered that he'd just end his life. Not Logan. But he'd almost done it. Thank God he didn't, but maybe I should think about what I say more carefully. Maybe he's thinking about that right now? Maybe it's the first time he's really thought about it. Or maybe I just freaked him out with my "Hiking in the Cascades". How stupid could I have been? I'll better keep my mouth shut. _

"Take the next right," were Max's first spoken words since Seattle. 

Logan nodded and turned the car from the highway to a smaller road that led up to the mountains. What they saw outside the car made Max smile and Logan shiver. Snow. 

Neither of them had thought about the possibility that there could still be snow in the Cascades. Winter in Seattle was wet rather than white, so neither of them was used to seeing the landscape covered with a white blanket. Max's smile grew wider. Despite her bad experiences with snow during her childhood, she'd come to like it. In her mind they were already building snowmen and enjoying long walks in the winter-wonderland. 

Logan, instead, was even more frustrated by the snow. He didn't show it, but it scared him. Mountains weren't good for wheelchairs, snow wasn't good for wheelchairs, but snowy mountains were more like Sodom and Gomorra than just 'not good'. Silently cursing Max for her idea he continued driving. _ This must be the end of the world we're going to, _ he thought. _ Maybe I'll be lucky and we'll just fall over the edge on the next corner. _

When they finally came to stop, they had reached a small town. Logan parked the car where Max told him to and watched her jump out and walk into a building. A minute later she was back, waving the keys in her hand. 

"Our cabin is further up the mountain. Right at the end of this street. Shouldn't be a problem to find it." 

"What are all these people doing here, in a town as small as this?" Logan asked, irritated. 

Max shrugged. "Holidays are over today. Most of them are tourists, leaving today. The agent told me that a lot of people come here to go skiing. His secretary, who handed me the keys, told me that they're expecting a really quiet week. Tonight this town will be deserted." 

Logan nodded, glad to have at least the possibility of being alone. During the trip he'd finally gotten used to the idea of humiliating himself in front of Max's eyes, but more people? He drove back to the street, following it to the end, then turning right. The road that went up the mountain was narrow and he hoped that no car would come down right now. He was in luck and parked the car a few minutes later. The cabin seemed to be the last one belonging to the town. It stood there alone, no nextdoor neighbors, but everything was in good shape. The front porch at the front had a few stairs, but there was a wheelchair ramp on the left-hand side. 

Max jumped out of the car and went inside, leaving the cabin door open for Logan to follow. The interior was incredibly romantic. She felt like she was in an old movie, pre-Pulse of course. The wooden cabin had only one floor, with a small kitchen, a huge living room with a fireplace, two bedrooms on the other side of the room and a big bathroom. She came back to the car, only giving a short smile to Logan who sat in the living room, checking everything out. A minute later she was back with all their luggage and put the cardboard box in the kitchen. 

"Which bedroom do you want?" she asked. 

Logan shrugged and wheeled towards the rooms. One was the master bedroom with a huge double bed in the middle of it; the other one was smaller, with just a single bed under the window. 

"I don't care," he told Max. "They're both fine." 

"Take the big bedroom then," she suggested. "It's got a separate door to the bathroom." 

Logan nodded and stayed in the master bedroom. Max threw his bag on the bed and went to her room. _ She now thinks I can't even handle the way from the small bedroom to the bathroom. Great. _ He sighed and put his clothes in the cupboard, then went to the bathroom. When he came back, he found Max waiting for him in the living room. 

"What do you want to do?" he asked her, sure that she actually wanted to do something, now they were here. 

She shrugged. "I'd like to go outside. Enjoy the snow, you know?" 

"Sure," Logan shrugged back. _ Might as well start the with the horror right away._ "Let me just get my jacket." 

Max nodded, went to her room and was back at the front door only seconds later. When Logan came back to her, she had to smile. He was wearing the heavy, dark blue jacket, she'd sometimes seen him in during the winter, and his hands were hidden in black leather gloves. On his head he wore a blue cap, the color a few shades brighter than that of his jacket. He'd have looked like a teenage schoolboy, ready to start the snow fight against the girls, if there hadn't been the always present and oh-so-sexy stubble on his cheeks. Only the look on his face made her stop smiling. Obviously he wasn't very thrilled by the idea of fun in the snow. _ Well, he wasn't thrilled by this whole trip, _ Max thought to herself and decided to ignore him. _ I'm gonna show him, how much fun we're gonna have. Let me just find something. _

Max opened the door and went out, seemingly not caring if Logan was having problems with it. When she turned to face him, he was wheeling next to her. 

"Isn't it wonderful?" she asked. 

Logan raised an eyebrow, unsure what to answer. _ Wonderful? Wouldn't it be much more wonderful to be back in my penthouse in front of my computer? Yeah. It would. _

"The sun, the snow, the mountains.." Max tried to explain. 

He nodded, but stared to the ground, obviously not enjoying the view but struggling with the snow on the path they were traversing. Max watched him from the corner of her eye, trying to find out if he just had to push a little harder, or if he was really having a hard time. She decided on the first alternative and walked a little more slowly. 

Neither of them spoke a word and Max wondered when they had last been this silent. She could understand that there were still things on his mind he didn't wanna talk about, but she couldn't understand why he was still so depressed. Yeah, of course she couldn't understand what it meant to be back in a wheelchair, but was life so bad? She enjoyed being here with him, enjoyed the landscape and the fact that they were going to have dinner together, that she would sleep only a room away from him. In her eyes, Logan had had an easy life. She'd swap their childhoods without thinking a second about it. But maybe this was payback? That now he had to pay for his easy former life? _ Damn Logan, why can't you just be the nice uncomplicated guy next door? _ She smiled, knowing the answer herself. _ 'Cause then you wouldn't be my friend and I couldn't be yours. That simple. _

She saw that his face war red, not only from the cold but also from exertion. Looking back she realized that the path had gotten steeper and that it wasn't the easy walk for him that it was for her. Only a few yards in front of them she saw a bench where she sat down wordlessly, giving them time to relax. 

Logan stopped next to her and for the first time since they'd left the cabin, he was truly able to see what Max had been enjoying. The landscape was wonderful. He could see the Cascades, still covered with snow, he could see the trees, their branches full of the white powder, and he could see a few slopes, with a couple of skiers going downhill. 

He took off his cap and tousled his hair, allowing the cold winter air to cool his head. Max was still quiet, only a small smile on her face showed that she was content with herself and the world around her. Her cheeks were rosy from the cold and there was this special glow in her eyes that made him smile. She was wearing all black, as usual. How beautiful she is, he thought with wonder. _ I wonder what she's doing here with me. She seems really happy, not something she seems to be very often. But it's definitely not me who's making her happy. I'm no good company. Maybe I should change that? I could at least try. _

"I used to go downhill skiing," he said, trying to smile at her. 

Surprised, not only about the news, but also about the fact, that he'd actually said something, she looked at him. "Really?" 

"Yeah. My parents always took me skiing in the winter," he told her. "It was always a lot of fun. I continued when I was living with Jonas and Margo. It wasn't the same, but it was fun. I remember how my Dad taught me to ski. After two days he had a hard time following me, I wasn't scared of anything and just went down every hill. It's a wonderful feeling." 

"I believe that," Max nodded. "And it looks as if it was a lot of fun." 

"You should try it," Logan suggested. "You could rent a pair of skis tomorrow." 

Max looked at him, trying to figure out if he was just trying to get rid of her. "Maybe I will." 

She checked her watch. "I hate to spoil the mood, but it's already getting dark. We should hurry back." 

Logan nodded and put his cap back on his head. His arms hurt and his hands were burning, but he wouldn't tell her. No way. He was going to wheel back to the cabin if it was the last thing he did. No giving up. Not with this beautiful woman walking next to him. 

The way back was easier, 'cause they'd finally broken the silence. He was still fighting with the chair on the snowy path, but listening to Max's stories and adding an anecdote of his winter holidays made him feel better. Nonetheless, he was exhausted when they reached the cabin. 

"You wanna take a shower?" Max asked. "I could light the fire before I take one myself. It's cold in here." 

"Sure. There was wood outside, on the right side of the cabin, I think." 

"I'm gonna get some," she nodded, walking back outside. 

Logan wheeled to the bedroom and grabbed a pair of boxers and a T-shirt before he went to the bathroom. After a shower he put on the boxer-shorts and T-shirt, before he went back to his room to finish dressing. Wearing a pair of sweatpants and a thick white pullover, he returned to the living room, where Max was putting wood in the fireplace and lighting it with practiced ease. 

"Before the Pulse, people hardly knew how to make a fire without special lighters," Logan commented. 

"Yeah, thanks to the Pulse we all know how to make fire. Welcome to my cave," she grinned, her eyes resting for a moment on his muscular chest that showed through the pullover. 

"The bathroom is free, if you still want your shower," he said. 

"Oh, yeah, great. Could you make sure the fire's burning?" Max asked him, her eyes meeting his again. "The wood is a little wet." 

"No problem. If you can stand to wait for dinner a little longer." 

"I think I can manage," she laughed and headed for the bathroom. 

A little time later Logan saw her leaving the bathroom only wearing a towel. Her hair was still wet and she was leaving damp footprints on the hardwood floor. Logan stared at her, sure that he'd never seen anyone more beautiful. Max blushed when she realized that she was being watched, and fled to her room. 

A minute later she was back by the fireside, now wearing sweatpants and a pullover, both black. 

"So are you gonna feed me?" Max asked, smiling a winning smile. "You're my meal ticket after all." 

_ Her meal ticket? Yeah, right. That's all I'll ever be for her. And maybe that's why she brought you here. To have someone cook for her. _ Logan released the brakes. "Sure. What else am I here for?" he said coldly. 

Max grimaced, but didn't say anything. She only watched him wheel away. _ You gotta hate men, _ she thought. _ What was that for? Does he really not know why I'm here with him? Or was he just trying to be funny? I'll never understand them. Especially not Logan. _

She stayed in the living room a little longer, then stood up to go and help Logan in the kitchen. 


	2. New Friends

  


** Disclaimer** and **Spoilers: **See Chapter 1

** A/N: ** Wow, I'm so honored. So many reviews for just one chapter. Now I'm officially addicted. :-) 

And here is the next chapter. A little less fluff, but still no action.

Thanks again to Kasman for being my beta in the middle of the VS3 chaos.

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**2. NEW FRIENDS**

When Logan had finished cooking dinner, they sat down at the kitchen table and ate in silence.

_He's so cute. Always cooking dinner and everything. Just wish he'd talk a little more. I know it was forced when he started talking about skiing this afternoon, but it was at least a try. Now it's back to silence. And I hate this silence. I want him to talk to me. I miss our talks. I miss the way he used to look at me. I miss the look in his eyes. Everything's become so difficult since...well, since that day, Max thought. I don't know what to do about it. Is it right to make him talk? But with his moods? I think he'd kill me sooner rather than later._

Logan's thoughts were spinning too. _I wish we weren't here. Right now I wish I didn't have to sit here with her and eat with her, when I'm in this bad mood. If I myself know that I'm in a bad mood, this has to be REALLY bad. But what am I supposed to do? I can't pretend nothing has happened. I wish it could, but it's just not true. I'm back in this chair and we are back to square one. No more flirting, no more closeness...it's all over. My chance has passed and I have to accept that. But I can't. Not now. Not when she's sitting here in front of me, sexy as always, and eating dinner. I'll never be more than her meal ticket. I just wonder what she's doing here with me. Why did she force me on this trip? Is this just out of pity? Or is she just afraid of losing her meal ticket?_

When they had finished eating Max insisted on doing the washing up and sent Logan to the living room, where she found him staring in the fire when she came to join him.

"You're up for a game of chess?" she asked. "There's a chess set on the sideboard."

Logan shrugged. "Sure, why not."

"Doesn't sound very enthusiastic," Max said, standing in front of the closet.

"I'm just not sure if I'm ready to lose once again," Logan admitted. 

Max hesitated, well knowing that she'd beaten him every single time they'd played chess before. _What am I supposed to tell him? That I'm going to let him win? That we better play something different? Or nothing at all?_

"You're not going to lose, I promise," she smiled, her eyes betraying the humor.

But Logan didn't look her into the eyes.

_Is she telling me that she's going to lose? She must be kidding. She must think I don't have any pride at all. I can't believe it. Logan thought, getting really angry. I came here with her, I went on this stupid walk with her, I cooked her dinner and now she's expecting me to let her let me win a game of chess? That is stupid. She has never lost a game of chess. Never. Her life seems so perfect. She's got all you could wish for. She's got beauty and grace, she's STANDING there and looking at me. I can't stand it any longer._

"Yeah, like you would know what it means to lose at all," he shot at her. "Have you ever lost, Max? Do you know what it means to lose all hope? What it means not looking forward to what the future might hold for you?"

"What?" she asked back. "Are you kidding?" _Who is this man? Obviously not Logan Cale, 'cause Logan Cale knows about me and my childhood. He knows about my life. He knows that my past is still haunting me. He knows that I live from day to day and don't have the strength to really think about a future. _

"No, I'm serious. Just look into the mirror. You're all everybody wants to be and have everything everybody wants to have. You're smart, clever, tough and incredibly beautiful. You care, you love, you have friends who love you back, you have everything you need to look forward to, whatever happens." 

Logan bit on his lower lip. "You gave me back my life and you took it away again. You don't know what it means to lose hope and to have to look into a future that's not sunny and bright but dark and lonesome. You just don't know." He was furious. Angry, furious and frustrated. "You walk into my apartment and tell me that it's gonna be okay. But it's never gonna be okay. 'Cause I'm not you. In my life, not everything's fine and no wonderful future is waiting for me. I hardly know how to get from day to day." He was sure that he was right. Max didn't know what it meant not to know what the future held. What it meant to give up the hope of walking again. From his point of view she had everything she needed to be happy.

Max stared at him, speechless. _It is Logan and he's serious. He must have lost his mind. _It took her a moment to be able to find the words, but then she had her comeback. "You are kidding, Logan Cale. Yeah, you're right, I don't know what it means to face a dark and lonesome future." She snorted ironically. "And yeah, you're right, I have friends, thank God for them. I have them now. Now that I'm grown up. My childhood was hell, without any hope at all. I didn't have parents, I had a unit. I had techs and commanding officers to torture me when I was a kid. They broke my bones to see how fast they'd heal. I wasn't trying to be funny when I told you about Vertes. 

"Manticore was hell, Logan. And after we escaped I thought there was a chance for me to be happy, 'cause then I had foster families, but I didn't stay long with any of them. Because I just couldn't stand it. There was fighting and hitting and even rape. So I ran away. Again and again. You're right Logan, your view into the future might not be as bright as it used to be, but I'd take your childhood without thinking a second about it. Just think of the many happy years you've had in your life, and the few I've had. And yeah, I consider the last two or three years happy ones. With my past, in the persona of Lydecker and the Reds, right on my tail, with a brother who's telling me to give up everything I have, and with so-called friends who pretend to understand but who obviously don't know me and my life at all. But live your dream. If you can't face reality, stay in your dream world and pretend that you're the most unfortunate person on the planet. I'm outta here."

Her tone had risen with every word until she'd almost shouted the last. She stood up and stormed out of the cabin, only slipping on her shoes and grabbing her jacket from the wardrobe. _He's crazy. He's obviously crazy. I can understand that he's having a hard time being back in the chair, but that was too much. Telling me that I'm the fortunate one? He must have lost his mind. Great idea to bring him here. Yeah, you've outdone yourself, Max. Tomorrow we'll go back to Seattle and he'll never speak a word with you again. Great._

Her thoughts kept spinning. Still angry at Logan there was the fear of having lost him, of maybe having been too rude or too aggressive to apologize. She walked around in the dark cold night, knowing that sooner or later she'd have to return to the cabin, but for now she was delaying that moment.

Logan still stared at the door she'd just slammed after her. He breathed deeply, trying to understand what had just happened, and slowly, very slowly, reality sunk in. When he looked at Max, he always saw a beautiful young woman, strong, healthy and with everything he wanted to have. With legs just fine, with friends who cared and with a job she liked, even though she was always complaining. 

But what he never saw when he looked at Max, was her dark side. Her dark past, the horrible things she'd gone through, the guilt and the helplessness she had felt all her life. He never saw all those things in her, but that didn't mean they weren't there. It just meant that he was one-sided, that he was over emphasizing her positive aspects and forgetting about her negative ones. Well, not her negative aspects but the negative things that had happened in her life. Now she really had to think that he didn't know her at all. That he had pretended to understand and to know her, but that he didn't. It wasn't that he didn't know, it just wasn't important for him. It had never been important. _I hope she's coming back, he prayed. I hope she's coming back and it's not too late to apologize. She didn't deserve that._

In the meantime, Max entered a small bar. Like everything in this town, it wasn't big, but neat and tidy. The bartender was friendly and she ordered a beer, sitting down on a stool at the bar. She was still lost in her thoughts when a guy at the table behind her, who'd just come in, ordered a huge glass of water. Not looking at him, she wondered why somebody would drink only water in a bar at this time of the day but the bartender answered her question with his next comment.

"Hey, Chris! Finished your workout?"

"Yeah, finally. Work's been hell today and I couldn't leave early. All the tourists bringing back their skis and complaining. So training started late." His light tone revealed that he actually liked his job and that he was just making conversation. "How's it going?"

The bartender smiled. "Most of the tourists are gone and everything's back to normal. Only this lady here is ruining my evening. Hasn't said a word since she entered, but I could at least persuade her to have a beer," he said, nodding over to Max, who eventually turned around.

"Ever heard that it's not nice to talk about other people in their presence?" she asked, forcing a smile.

_Crazy guys. But they seem to be fun. I need some entertainment._

"Yeah, but it wouldn't be funny to talk about you, if you weren't there," the bartender told her, grinning widely.

Max grinned back, now truly amused, and nodded. "Yeah, you're right. And by the way, my name is Max and not lady."

"Okay, Max. Nice to meet you. I'm Matt, the owner of this bar, and this is my friend Chris."

Max took his reached out hand and shook it, then looked over to Chris. She realized only now that he was in a wheelchair, and that he was smiling amicably at her. 

"Hey Chris, nice to meet you," she said, reaching out her hand. For a second he looked surprised, then shook her hand.

"Why don't you sit down?" Matt asked. "Unless you prefer brooding at the bar, of course."

"Nah, had enough of that for today," she replied and sat down on the chair next to Chris, facing Matt. "You two live here?" she wanted to know.

Both men nodded. "Yeah," Chris answered. "Live here, work here. Where are you from?"

"Seattle."

"So you're on vacation?" Matt asked.

"Yeah, me and a friend. Is there always this much snow at this time of the year? I had expected to see green hills instead of all this snow."

Chris shrugged. "It's not unusual that there's still snow, but it's quite a lot. Usually everything's closed by now, but this year you can still go skiing."

Max grimaced. "I've never been skiing before. My friend suggested to try it out, but I'm not sure."

"Why not?" Matt wanted to know.

_Tell the truth or lie? Tell the truth or lie? Truth, definitely. These guys seem nice and it's not big deal._

"You know, there was a reason why I was brooding at the bar," she grinned, trying to swallow down the emotions that were coming back. "We had a little quarrel, that's why I ran away. I think we're going home tomorrow."

"Why don't you go back to him and settle the quarrel and then you can both go skiing," Matt suggested.

_Great idea. What is he thinking?_

Max only looked at him and grimaced.

"Easier said than done, huh?" Chris smiled. "But if you're going to try it out, come to my shop," he offered. "I rent all kind of snowboards and skis... everything. It's just across the street."

He handed her a business card and she looked at it. It read Chris's name and the name of his shop, telephone and fax number and she wanted to put it away, when something attracted her attention. "You also rent skis for the disabled?" she asked, surprised at what she'd just read.

_Skis for the disabled? Well, he IS in a wheelchair, so maybe... Nah, that can't be. Just too perfect._

Chris nodded. "Yeah, sure. How do you think do I come down the mountains? Flat on my back?"

"Well, sometimes you do," Matt added laughing.

"Sometimes everybody does," Chris laughed, then turned to Max again. "Yeah, I rent mono skis too."

"I never thought about that," Max admitted. "I always thought skiing was something you do with your legs."

"That's the boring way. That's how everybody does it." Chris continued, his smile bright and his eyes shining happily, "No, honestly, if your legs don't work, what are you supposed to do? Stay away from the mountains?"

"Perhaps?" Max said, raising her eyebrows. _He really skis? That's incredible._

"Nah, not me. Skiing has been my life since I was a kid. Broke my back while doing it."

"But that didn't stop you," Max assumed.

"Of course not. Got myself a mono ski and was back on the slopes only a year later."

"How does it work?" Max wanted to know, the idea in her head almost shining through her eyes. _Skiing...that's so cool. Maybe Logan and I can go skiing together? _"Is it difficult?"

Chris shook his head. "No more than doing it on two legs. The mono skis have seat shells with adjustable seats, so they can be used for almost all persons with most levels of injury. Well, as long as your arms are fine. You have two ski crutches to control what you're doing and for braking, of course. They're like crutches with short skis at the end and ice-claws at the back of the skis. For towing, the seat shell has a tow rope you just put around the t-bar. It's really easy. Chairlifts can also be used, no big deal. You can sit with the seat shell on the chair of the lift, you just have to lift it up with you, when you sit down. It's cool, really. As much fun as regular skiing and not hard to learn."

He watched Max, who seemed far away.

"Sorry, if that's boring for you."

Matt smiled and stood up to go back to work. "Yeah, that's Chris. He's head over heals for mono skiing." He laughed and left Max and Chris alone.

She shook her head. "It's not boring," she reassured him, "I'm just thinking. You say it's really easy to learn? And that you're renting those mono skis?"

"Yeah, that's what I said. Why?" Chris seemed confused.

_Because of me and Logan and us going skiing? Because I finally found something that's going to be fun?_

"Because this is exactly what I was looking for."

Chris got even more confused, his look indicated it clearly. 

Max sipped her beer and started to explain. "See, this friend I'm here with? He's in a wheelchair too. His mood has been really bad lately and I kind of dragged him into this vacation. Of course that didn't help and maybe that's why we were quarrelling. I have been thinking about how to have some fun and he just told me this afternoon how much he enjoyed skiing when he was younger."

"Sounds like a plan", Chris nodded. "So he's been skiing before, that's great. And is he in good shape? I wouldn't want him to try it out, if he's not fit, you know?"

"Oh, don't worry about that. He's working out like every day or so and has a great body." _A great body? Well yeah, but that's NOT exactly what Chris asked. _She blushed a little when she realized what she'd just said. "Well, he plays basketball and he's really in good shape, so fitness shouldn't be the problem," she continued, trying not to think about Logan's body anymore, about his spiky hair, about his deep eyes behind the cute little glasses, about his sexy scruffy beard and the strong muscles in his upper body, but she failed miserably. "I'm just not sure if he'd try it out," she finally finished.

"Well, if you want me to talk with him, why don't you both come over tomorrow morning and I'll talk to him, tell him how much fun it is and give him some advice?" Chris suggested.

Max smiled. "Yeah, maybe that'll help. But consider yourself warned, he can be stubborn as hell."

"Why don't you go home, try to settle the quarrel, sleep well and we're gonna see us in the morning?"

Max checked her watch and nodded. "Yeah, it's late already. If I want to talk to him tonight, I should leave. Thanks, Chris, and I really hope we'll both be there tomorrow morning and not go home early."

"Yeah, I hope that too. Bye, Max."

She left some money for the beer on the table, then stood up and put on her jacket, waving goodbye to Matt and leaving through the door, excited about what she's just learned and excited about telling Logan.

But what would he say? Would he be all-Logan and tell her that she should do it alone? Or would he, for once, see how much fun this could be and join in? She even considered calling Bling to tell him, what a good thing this was, but decided against it. Logan could still be angry at her and the first task was to apologize for having been rude. Yeah, that's what she was going to do. Apologize for how she'd said what she'd said. Not for the content, but for the tone. And then she could ask him to go skiing with her. 


	3. Sorry seems to be

**Disclaimer** and **Spoilers:** See Chapter 1

**A/N:** I'm really sorry for not posting sooner. I've been on vacation the last two weeks and had wanted to post this before I left, but ffn didn't let me. Sorry.Hope you like this one anyway. If you do - or if you don't - please leave a review. Thanks!

And - as usual - thanks to Kasman for her beta. 

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**3. SORRY SEEMS TO BE... **

The cabin was dark, except for the flickering light of the fire. Max slipped through the door, closing it carefully behind her, before putting her jacket in the wardrobe in the small hallway and taking off her shoes. "Logan?" she asked quietly, peaking around the corner to the living room, so as not to wake him if he was already asleep.

"Max!" she heard his voice coming from the living room and saw him a second later, wheeling closer to her. When he stopped in front of her in the hallway , he looked up to meet her eyes, both of them trying to find out what the other one was thinking.

"I'm sorry," they said in unison, which made them both giggle nervously.

"You first," Max said, waiting expectantly what he had to tell her.

"I'm so sorry, Max," Logan said. "I was a complete idiot. Please, I...I don't know what happened. I don't know why I said those things. Please believe me that I do know you better than that. I do know what you've been through and what you're still going through." His knuckles were white from tightly gripping his wheel-rims. He looked down, his eyes not meeting hers.

"I've been so stupid, Max." _She's going to kill me. She's going to kick my ass from here back to Seattle and then I'll never see her again. God, please! Please let her understand what even I myself can't._

But instead of the kick in his ass he'd expected, he felt two strong female arms wrapped around his shoulders. Looking up he saw Max kneeling next to him like she'd done when he'd come back from Mrs. Moreno's apartment just a few short days before. She looked him straight in the eyes and said, "Yes, you _are_ an idiot, Logan. But I know you too and I know what you've been through. You're my best friend and I don't want to lose you just because you can't walk. I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have yelled at you."

He sighed, relieved, and gave in to the good feeling of being so close to her. He pulled her closer, one arm around her waist and the other around her shoulders, and hid his face in her curls. "I don't want to lose you either," he murmured, inhaling her scent.

"I was so scared," he continued whispering. "I thought you wouldn't come back."

Max gave him a final squeeze and let go. She stood up slowly and smiled at him. "You know, you don't get rid of me that easily."

"Yeah, thank God," he replied and turned the wheelchair, rolling back in the living room. He stopped next to the armchair, turning himself to face the fire.

Max, who'd followed him, sat down in the armchair, watching Logan's profile. "Are you okay?" she asked. 

Logan shrugged slowly. "Kind of."

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked carefully.

He shook his head. 

"You sure?"

Logan exhaled deeply. "Yeah, I'm sure. I still haven't figured it out for myself, so please... I don't wanna talk about it. Not now."

Max smiled carefully at him. "Okay. I'll be right here, so if you change your mind..."

"Yeah, thanks. I appreciate it." He hesitated. "But right now I can't talk about it. It still hurts too much."

"I understand," she nodded slowly. "I just wanna be sure that you're still there when I leave you alone for a while and come back. Don't make me come to your apartment one day and find you dead on the floor. It's hard enough to know that it was my blood that put you through all of this, but knowing that it killed you in the end...I couldn't stand that. If I had known..."

"There wasn't a chance any of us could have known. Don't worry, Max, it's not your fault."

"So why do I feel responsible?" she asked.

"Don't. It's okay. Whatever it takes, I'm going to survive this too. Please understand that it's not easy for me right now. I promise I'll find my way, just be patient, okay?" he pleaded.

Max smiled at him. "I'll always be there. Take all the time you need."

"Thanks. But I'm still trying to figure it out. Trying to understand, you know?"

"Yeah, sometimes stuff is hard to understand. But promise that you're not going to brood for the rest of our lives. There are so many great things I want to do with you."

_Our lives?_ Logan forced a smile. "So how long am I allowed to brood?"

Max stood up and headed toward her bedroom. Before she disappeared through the door, she turned around. "Tonight. 'Cause tomorrow we're going skiing."

With that she closed the door behind her, hearing Logan's soft, "Good night".

_I don't think he understood that I was being serious. But he'll find out tomorrow. I promise. It's going to be fun,_ Max thought, as she changed for the night.

Logan stayed in the living room a little longer, the feeling of relief still overwhelming. _She came back. Maybe life isn't that bad after all. I have this incredible woman coming back to me. And we're friends. That's more than I could hope for after all I said. Going skiing? Yeah, let her go skiing. I'll be waiting for her. Always._

As Max lay in her bed, she did what she did almost every night: lay there thinking. There was a little TV in the bedroom, but she was sure it wouldn't offer as many stations as Logan's did and so she didn't switch it on. Even with Logan's huge variety of channels it was hard to find something to watch these days.

So she lay down and stared at the ceiling. A while later she became restless and stood up again. She sat down on the windowsill and looked out. _Not exactly the Space Needle,_ she thought to herself, _but better than nothing_. It was pitch-black outside, but thanks to her night vision she could still see the snow and the mountains. The snow seemed to swallow up any noise, so it was incredibly quiet. The only thing she could hear was Logan sleeping in the room next to her. His breathing was calm and steady and she smiled at the faint sound of it.

_I wish I could take some of his pain away. I wish I had never done this to him, not the first time, when I didn't help him with Lauren and Sophy, and not the second time, when I transfused him my blood. But what should I have done? He was dying. He would have died, if I hadn't come back. There's no use thinking about the what-ifs. It's just the way it happened. I better try to sleep a little. Hopefully Logan's mood will be better tomorrow and he's not going to kill me for the idea of going skiing. Maybe I'll be lucky and it'll be fun. Maybe..._


	4. It's a Long Way To The Top

**Disclaimer** and **Spoilers**: See Chapter 1

**A/N**: Okay, here comes what you've all been waiting for. Well, maybe not, but anyway: Max and Logan going skiing and a small appearance of Chris. Hope you like it.

And - as usual - thanks Kasman! 

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**4. IT'S A LONG WAY TO THE TOP**

When Max woke up after about two hours sleep, she arose and went to the kitchen to brew herself a cup of coffee. With the cup of coffee in her hand, she strolled to the living room, grabbed one of the books from the bookcase and sat down in the armchair.

She read it, checking her watch every once in a while, until she decided it was time to get dressed. In the bathroom she took a shower and got dressed. Then she carefully knocked at Logan's door, listening to his undisturbed sleeping noises. She knocked harder, but still nothing happened. 

_The guy's deep asleep. But the early bird catches the worm._

Slowly she opened the door and peeked inside the room. Logan lay under the covers, in the middle of the huge bed, on his right side, his upper body crouched like a fetus, his legs spread out. His glasses lay on the nightstand next to an alarm clock. 

Max smiled at the sight of him, a response to the small smile that lay on his lips. He looked happy and peaceful, as if none of the day's struggles haunted him at night, or early in the morning.

She hesitated, trying to decide if she should really wake him up, but she had plans for this day. So she stepped closer to the bed and carefully touched his shoulder, trying to shake him awake.

"Logan? Logan?" she said softly, not wanting to startle him.

He stirred, turned on his back and slowly opened his eyes. "Hey," he yawned. "You're already up?"

"For hours," she grinned.

He grabbed his glasses from the nightstand and put them on to check the clock. "Max, you're kidding. It's only half past seven."

"Yeah, and that mean it's time to get up. So get out of that bed."

"I thought this was supposed to be a vacation?!" he complained.

"It is. But that doesn't involve staying in bed until noon. We have to go and rent skis."

Logan sat up and raised his eyebrows. "Rent skis?"

"Yep. So move your ass out of the bed and into the shower."

He sighed and watched her leave, before obeying her.

When he came to the kitchen he saw that she had put milk and cereal on the table. After finishing breakfast, they drove to the center of the town.

"So why did I have to get up in the middle of the night? Only to drive you here to let you rent your skis?" Logan asked, obviously still tired.

"Nah, not because of me renting skis. Because of us. You didn't listen to me, did you? I said we are going skiing and we are going to rent skis."

"We? You're kidding, right?"

"Nope, I'm not kidding. Met this guy yesterday. We're going to meet him here. So get out of the car."

_Skiing? She must be kidding. What guy? But just look at her.. she's serious. If I don't want to mess things up, I better do what she says._

Logan hesitated, then reached behind and grabbed his wheelchair. 

A moment later they entered Chris's store. Max discovered the guy from the evening before behind the counter, obviously engrossed in this bookkeeping. 

"Good morning," she greeted him. "As promised, we're here," she added, when he looked up.

"Hey, Max! Glad you came. So you're gonna try it out?"

"Yeah, we are," she answered.

"Speak for yourself," came Logan's comment from behind, making a smile appear on Chris's face.

Max remembered her manners and turned around. "Oh, sorry. Logan, this is Chris, Chris, this is Logan. He's the one who's going skiing with me."

Chris came from behind the counter and grinned at Logan. "She's stubborn, huh?"

Logan looked at Max and smiled a warm smile. "Yeah, she is. First dragging me on this trip and now she keeps telling me we should go skiing today."

"So you're not up for it?" Chris wanted to know.

"No idea," Logan admitted. "I used to go skiing on legs, don't know any other way to do it."

"Then come and follow me," Chris ordered and wheeled to the back room of the store. When he saw a young woman on a stool in the back room he told her, "Lucy, could you please go and help Max? She's still out front and needs skis and shoes and everything?"

Lucy nodded. "Sure thing, Chris. Hey," she greeted Logan and walked pass them to help Max.

Logan followed Chris through a room with skis and shoes into the last room. Looking around he saw a lot of things he didn't recognize at first, but which he guessed were for paraplegics to go skiing.

Pictures on the wall showed several men on mono skis, sometimes posing, sometimes in the middle of skiing down a mountain. In a few of them he recognized Chris and asked, "You do that?"

Chris nodded. "Yeah, sure. So you skied before you earned your wheels?" he asked.

"Often. Started as a kid and kept doing in throughout the winters. But does that matter any longer?"

"You're gonna have an easier job learning to handle a mono ski if you've been skiing before."

"Don't tell me it's the same thing going down a mountain on two legs as on your butt," Logan said, frustration in his voice.

"Of course it's not the same. But as you can imagine it's the same technique." He pulled a mono ski with a seat shell from the wall and put it on the carpet. "Okay, this is how it works. You're gonna sit here," he said, indicating the seat. "And you're gonna take those with you," he pulled two crutches from the shelf, "to stabilize and help you direct the ski. How high is your level of injury?" he asked.

Logan looked at the guy who was so sure of what he was saying. "I still don't think this is a good idea," he told him. "I'm sorry. I'm not that optimistic, 'cause I just can't believe that this is going to work."

Chris let go of all the stuff he'd collected and came back to Logan, stopping to face him. "Why are you so negative? You look as if you're in good shape. Your upper body is strong, you know how to handle a wheelchair and you've got this wonderful woman out there who wants to go skiing with you. Why are you hesitating?"

Logan grimaced. "Because I don't wanna look like a complete idiot."

"That's all?" 

"Isn't that enough?"

"I promise you won't look like an idiot. It's really not that difficult. And isn't she worth it?" Chris asked.

Logan raised his eyebrow. "Oh, we're not like that. Of course she's worth it, but we're just friends."

Chris smiled at the comment, knowing that Logan would never admit how much he wanted her to be more than a friend. He was obviously in love with her and scared that she'd run away. He could see that in his eyes when he heard her name, could hear it in his voice when he spoke about her. 

"Whatever you say, man. But back to skiing. You wanna try it out?"

After another moment of hesitation, Logan nodded. "Okay. But if I make a complete idiot out of myself, you owe me a beer."

Chris laughed. "Okay, deal. So what level of injury? It's important for the height of the backrest."

"T-8," Logan answered shortly. 

Nodding, Chris continued picking up things Logan would need. He explained everything carefully, let him try out different seats and adjusted everything so it fit well.

Some time later they came back to the front room, where Max was waiting for them, skis and shoes ready in a corner. When she saw Logan coming, a smile appeared on her face and a glow of anticipation showed in her eyes. 

"You ready?" she asked.

Logan smiled back. _She seems so happy._ "Yeah, sure. Chris gave me some instructions and told me everything's gonna be fine."

Max laughed. "If he says so. Lucy told me about the beginner's hill. We should start there."

Logan nodded and turned to Chris. "Thanks. And see you tonight."

Chris smiled. "Don't worry about bringing back the skis. Bring them back whenever you want to. You might find out that you actually enjoy this."

Laughing at Chris's comment, Max took the skis and walked out of the store, waving goodbye from the door.

Logan followed her and soon they were on their way to the beginner's hill. It wasn't far away and to Logan's relief, almost deserted. Only very few people were trying to learn how to ski. The worries that had been dwelling up in him since he'd realized that Max had really meant to go skiing with him, became stronger and stronger when they placed their skis in the snow next to the lift and started to get ready. 

The man who was working at the lift station came to them and asked, "Want to leave your wheelchair here?" 

Surprised at his easiness Logan nodded and sighed. "Yeah, I think I have to."

"Your first time?" the man asked.

Logan nodded, then indicated towards Max and said, "She forced me."

The man smiled. "Good girl." To Logan he said, "Use the lift alone, it'll be easier. Here, stop there," he showed him a spot underneath the passing t-bars. "Give me the tow rope."

Logan did as he was told and handed the man the rope that was attached to his seat.

"I'm gonna put this around the t-bar, okay? You just lean back and relax, maybe stabilize a little, nothing else. When you reach the end you either pull the t-bar with the rope close and pull it out or you simply use the safety release mechanism, okay?"

Logan swallowed and nodded. _I'm going up this hill. I must be crazy._

The man smiled and pulled the next bar close. A second later Logan felt himself being pulled up the hill.

Max was next. She wasn't worried about herself getting up or down this hill. If this skiing thing wouldn't work for her, she could still carry her skis and walk back. She was more worried about Logan. _If this won't work for him...No, don't think about it, she told herself. It's gonna be fine and it's gonna be a great day._

She was given the bar and leaned back against it, continuing thinking as she was pulled up.

_He seems to be doing fine, she thought,_ watching Logan in front of her. _He deserves some fun in his life. He's always so serious._

A little later they both paused on top of the hill, looking down the slope.

"Didn't you tell me you were afraid of heights?" Max teased.

"Not on ski slopes," Logan answered, but he kept looking down. "You sure we wanna go down there?" he asked, knowing that this really was an easy hill, but feeling scared nonetheless.

Max smiled. "Yeah, I'm sure. Hey, I haven't done it before, myself. So we're just gonna try, okay?"

Logan didn't answer, he only kept looking. "You're gonna go first?" Max asked.

"Logan?" she asked again, when he didn't answer. "If you're not going down there by yourself, I'm gonna push you," she threatened him.

He looked up at her, realizing that she was serious. _Okay, Cale, get down that hill. It can't be that bad. And otherwise she's going to push you and then you will never be able to keep your balance. So if that's what it takes to make her happy, go down that damn hill._

Breathing deeply for the last time he pushed himself over the small edge and went down. Faster and faster. But then he remembered what Chris had told him and started to drive curves in order to slow down. And he did great. It worked. Maybe it looked horrible, but it worked. He was able to brake and get faster again, letting the skis slide down the hill. And suddenly it was back. The feeling he used to have when going skiing. The snow below, the sun shining above, him in the middle, going down the mountains. Or this little hill. It didn't matter. It was fantastic.

Lost in his thoughts he sped down, going faster as he continued to feel more secure. Coming closer to where they had started he tried to brake, but glided over an ice-plate. Loosing control over his ski and, not being able to stabilize himself with the crutches, he felt himself falling to one side, sliding down the last few feet on his arm instead of his ski. 

"Logan?!" he heard Max's voice. A moment later she stood next to him, having somehow managed to come down herself. "You okay?" she asked.

Logan lay there in the snow, staring at the beauty above him. "Yeah, I'm fine. If I hurt myself I did it on the lower half of my body."

"Ha ha, very funny."

"No, I'm okay. That was great!" he added, a wide smile on his face.

_That was great. Did he just say that it was great?_ Max asked herself. _I can't believe he's smiling that wide. You can see the smile in his eyes, they're full of sparks. Haven't seen him like that in a while_.

"Does that mean you're up for another try?" she asked.

"Of course," he answered. "But this time you're first to go. I missed seeing you come down."

Max smiled and reached out a hand to help him up. He took it and pulled himself up. The man from the lift had obviously watched everything, 'cause he said, "You sure that was your first time?" he asked Logan. "That was very good."

"Thanks. It's great."

They practiced on the hill another three or four times until Logan waited for her near the lift. By now he had watched Max skiing down the hill and - as he had expected - she moved as gracefully as if she'd been on skis all her life. 

When she stopped next to him, he suggested, "What do you think about going to the real mountains?"

Max looked at him surprised. "You think you're up for it?"

Logan nodded. "Yeah. I feel pretty safe on this ski now. So we gonna try it out?"

"Sure," she nodded, smiling. "Whatever you say."


	5. Up On The Mountain Top

**Disclaimer** and **Spoilers: ** See Chapter 1

**A/N: ** Yep, it's me again. Not much to say, though. Here's the fifth chapter and Max and Logan are up on the mountain top. Enjoy it and please leave a review. Thanks! 

And - as usual - thanks to Kasman for her beta. 

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**5. UP ON THE MOUNTAIN TOP**

They drove the car to get to the gondola that would take them up to the real slopes. Since there weren't many people and it was easy to catch an empty box. Logan wheeled in backwards and watched Max enter with the skis. She was so pretty. The cold had colored her cheeks and her curls were even curlier than usual. 

Max didn't say anything either and was content with watching Logan. His usually pale skin was red from the cold, too., He still had some snow in his hair and on his jacket from losing his balance earlier. His eyes were hidden behind sunglasses, but she was sure that the smile on his lips reached up to them. 

At the upper lift station, Logan found out that here too, people were easy with wheelchairs, as if they'd seen them regularly. _Even if it's only Chris they see on a regular basis,_ Logan thought, _it's good to know that they don't look at somebody coming up here in a wheelchair as if he was crazy. Maybe living in a small town is sometimes easier than living in a big city. _

Thankfully, he smiled at the man who promised to take care of his chair and followed Max to the chairlift a few yards away. 

Since towing and riding the gondola had been so easy, Logan wasn't scared of taking the chairlift. He sat next to Max, waiting for the seats come from behind. She took the ski crutches wordlessly, leaving him with two free hands to push himself up. 

_Piece of cake, _ he smiled to himself, as he sat next to Max. Looking around and enjoying the ride, he leaned back and looked into the sky, knowing that looking down from a lift like this wasn't an option for him. 

"You okay?" Max asked, searching for what he was looking at. 

"Sure, just don't wanna risk looking down," he told her and found himself laughed at. 

"That's your trick? That's how you can go skiing? You watch the sky when you're in a lift?" 

Logan looked at her, trying to be serious. "Yeah, that's how it works. Being on the slopes is fine, towing is fine and going with a gondola is fine as well, 'cause you can look out of the window without looking down, but chairlifts?" 

When Max could restrain herself and started to laugh loudly, Logan couldn't help but join in her laughter. 

_It feels so good to laugh with him. _

_It feels so good to laugh with her. _

Getting out of the lift was as easy as getting in and soon Max and Logan were again at the top of a slope. 

"You're going first?" Logan asked and watched as Max nodded and went down. _Whatever horrible things they have done to her at Manticore, they surely created the most wonderful human being on earth. Look at her skiing down this mountain...so much grace and power...she's incredible. _

He stared at her frame until he realized that it was time to follow her. Going down a real slope was even better than his first try on the hill. It felt great. He forgot about everything else, it was only him in the snow and Max waiting for him. 

She had stopped at the right side, watching him come closer. Seeing how he maneuvered his ski down the slope, her heart filled with pride. She was proud of Logan. Even though he hadn't wanted to try this, even though he hadn't even wanted to come here in the first place, he was now skiing down this mountain as if he had never done anything else in his life. 

When he had almost reached her he tried to brake but had obviously not realized that the soft snow had been pushed together in a pile right where he was going to turn around. His ski didn't move like he had expected it to and, without a chance of changing direction, he found himself in a pile of snow he hadn't seen before. 

Max couldn't help laughing as she saw him lying down in front of her feet. "You like it down there?" she asked. 

"Yeah. You know, you should try it too. The snow is actually quite soft here." Logan pushed himself up again, making sure he wouldn't slide down the mountain while doing so. Once he sat again, he tried to brush the snow out of his hair and of his jacket. 

"I like the way you look all snowman-style," Max said, a wide grin on her face. 

"Very funny," Logan replied, then added, "You have to admit that being genetically engineered has its advantages." 

Max hesitated for a moment. _What was that all about? Is he jealous? _But looking at him, she saw the grin on his face and realized that he was only making fun. 

"What?" he asked, seeing her expression. 

"Sorry," she said. "I'm not used to you making jokes. I haven't..."

Logan interrupted her, his expression sad. "I am sorry, Max. I shouldn't make jokes about..."

"Nah, it's not you making jokes about me or me being genetically engineered. That's okay," she interfered. "It's just that you haven't been so silly since..." she hesitated again. "Since the shooting, I think. I'm not used to it, but that doesn't mean that I don't like it." She smiled and her messed his hair affectionately, emphasized her words. 

"So I'm free to make jokes about you anytime?" he asked, the smile back on his face. 

"Not _any_time," Max told him, "But it's okay every once in a while." 

Logan looked up to her and asked, "So it's okay to tease you when you force up me on mountain tops?" 

Max nodded laughing. "Yeah, then it's okay to tease me. Are we gonna talk or are we gonna ski?" 

Pushing himself further down the slope Logan shouted back at her, "Who's talking?" 

Back at the lower station of the chairlift, they decided to have lunch. There was a small snack bar, but Max had brought some sandwiches she had made in the morning and so they sat on a bench, eating sandwiches, drinking water and relaxing in the sun that shone warm wherever there was no wind. 

When they were finished, they continued what they had started before. Going up the lifts that were there and skiing back down. Logan landed in the snow a couple of times, but getting up became easier and easier. 

It was already late afternoon when Logan, playful as Max had never seen him before, asked her to have a race. "You think you're faster than me?" he teased her. 

"Actually...yeah, that's what I think," she gave back. "You sure you wanna risk losing? I don't know how much your delicate male ego..."

"Don't worry about my ego," Logan interrupted. "On three, okay? Whoever's first to the gondola." 

Max nodded and together they counted "One, two, three." 

On three, they both started to slide down the slope they had gone down several times before. They were close to each other, Max on the right side and Logan on the left, both going down in small curves to control the speed but not slowing down too much. 

Max was first to come to the edge they had stopped at on their previous ways down, but this time she only drove over it, then found herself at the very side of the slope, where the snow hadn't been prepared for skiing but was fluffy like powder. She ignored it, hoping that behind the little hill she went around it would be better. But she was wrong. The snow got even deeper. Her pace slowed and her skis pushed more and more snow in front of them, without her having an idea of how to stop it. 

Only a second later, she found herself in the middle of all the snow she'd pushed aside, lying in it like children do when they try to make snow angels. The low sun shone in her face and she had to close her eyes. When she felt a shadow fall over her, she opened her eyes again and looked right into Logan's. 

"You okay?" he asked worried, and she thought that he had never in his life looked sexier than right now. His worries for her, the snow that was still in his hair and on his jacket, made him look hotter than she'd ever thought a man could look. 

"Yeah, just giving you a headstart," she told him from below, trying to ignore her feelings. 

"Oh, you are? From my point of view it looked more as if you didn't know how to ski in deep snow, but anyway..."

"Well, yeah, to be honest, you were so crazy about lying in the snow, I thought I should try it," she said, laughing. 

Logan reached out a hand. "And what do you think?" 

Max took his hand and starting pulling herself up. "Not that bad, but..."

She couldn't finish her sentence 'cause unlike Logan she hadn't made sure to put her skis in the right direction so they wouldn't slide down the mountain. Her skis started to slid, but thanks to Logan sitting there in the way, they didn't get very far. Max, still attached to her skis, of course, followed them involuntarily closer, toward Logan until he reached out both of his arms to stop her. She had reached out her arms too and while he had grabbed her waist, she had put her hands on his shoulders, so that they found themselves in an embrace. 

_I can't help it, I love having her so close, _ Logan admitted to himself. _ I don't wanna let go. _

_To feel his strong arms around me makes me feel so safe, Max thought. I wish we could stay like this forever. _

"Are you okay?" they asked in unison. When both nodded, Logan released his grip, not wanting her to feel trapped. 

"Thanks," he said quietly when he finally let go. "I haven't had so much fun in months, I think. I owe you big time." 

Max shook her head. "You never owe me, Logan. Thanks for being here with me." 

Logan didn't know what to say and instead took his last chance to mess up her hair the way she had sometimes tousled his, before she was out of reach. 

She smiled at him, brushing the snow from her jacket and her pants, then tried to shake out the snow of her hair. "I've got snow everywhere," she complained laughing. 

"We should go back," Logan told her. "You're gonna get cold and we should be home before dark anyway." 

Max nodded and together they continued their trip back to the gondola where Logan exchanged his ski for the wheelchair. 

Not much later they were back in Logan's car and on their way back to the cabin, when Max asked, "Do we have everything we need? There's a little supermarket in case we want to buy anything." 

Logan shrugged. "I'm sure we're not gonna starve with all you packed but having a look what they sell here won't do any harm." 

The supermarket was small indeed, but friendly and with a bigger variety of products than most of the supermarkets Max knew. They bought milk, eggs and fresh meat before returning to the car. 

They drove back to the cabin in silence, both lost in their thoughts and smiling at the days events. 


	6. A Night Out

**Disclaimer** and **Spoilers: ** See Chapter 1

**A/N: ** Sorry for not posting sooner, but ffn was down last weekend and I was out of town and offline until yesterday. But here you go: Another chapter, another night and more Max and Logan. Hope you like it.

And - as usual - a thankful bow to Kasman. Hope you didn't forget anything with me interrupting your packing. :-)

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**6. A NIGHT OUT**

Back in the cabin Logan took the food to the kitchen while Max made sure the skis and her skiing boots would be safe in the small shed behind the cabin. On her way back, she grabbed some wood from the pile at the cabin's outer wall to light the fire once she was back inside. 

Logan came to her and asked, "Do you mind if I take a shower first?" 

Max shook her head. "No, go ahead. Just don't use all the hot water." 

He smiled. "Hey, this is not Seattle. The economic infrastructure seems quite intact, don't you think?" 

"Yeah. Living outside the city has it's advantages, I have to admit." 

"Maybe you should think about leaving Seattle?" he asked, his tone still light, but the seriousness of his question evident. 

"No way," she replied. "Seattle is my home. All my friends live there. And I think it's easier to hide in a big city. So I'm going to stay. You don't get rid of me that easily. Didn't I already tell you that yesterday?" 

"Yeah, you did," Logan laughed. "And that's good to know. I'm in the bathroom then." 

Max watched him leave and smiled. _Sounds as if he doesn't want me to leave. _

She strolled to the kitchen and looked for a snack to eat before dinner. She grabbed an apple and sat down on one of the chairs. _I wish I could cook_, she thought. _ I'd love to cook dinner for him, to return the favor, but without Kendra I'm completely lost. Maybe I could take him out to dinner? Not a fancy meal like he's used to, but I think I can afford something small. Yeah, that's an idea. And hopefully a nice ending to this great day. _

When Logan returned from the bathroom she was waiting for him in the living room. 

"You can go in there now," he told her. "I'm going to start dinner." 

She cocked her head and smiled. "Don't do that. I thought we could, maybe, go out for dinner. If it's okay with you I'd like to invite you to the bar I went to yesterday. It's nothing great, but…"

"Don't do that, Max. It's not…" he interrupted her, but couldn't finish his sentence either. 

"But I want to," she told him. "I want you to know that I think of you as way more than my meal ticket." 

Logan immediately remembered yesterday's evening. "I reacted pretty aggressively, didn't I?" 

"I didn't know why you were so angry," she said. "But it's okay. And I still owe you dinner." 

"Okay, if you really want to. What we bought will still be fine tomorrow. But you don't owe me dinner. I made you do my legwork that night." 

Max smiled. "Yeah, I remember. But no more talking. I'm gonna take a shower and then we'll leave, okay?" 

Logan nodded and she went to the bathroom. 

Half an hour later they were on their way to the bar. When they entered, Matt saw them and came smiling. 

"Hey! Hi Max! Good to see you again." 

"Hey, Matt. You got a table for us?" 

"Sure. Follow me." He led them to a table at the wall, removed a chair and lit the candle. "You need the menu?" he asked. 

"Yes, please," Max nodded and Matt handed it to them. 

"Want to look first or do you already know what you want to drink?" 

Logan looked up at Matt and said, "A beer please." 

Max was surprised, but didn't say anything. "For me too, please." 

"Two beers. I'll be back." 

Matt disappeared behind the counter and Max looked at Logan. "I always thought you were a wine person?" 

"Sometimes. And sometimes beer. This guy seems nice." 

She followed his look. "Matt? Yeah, he is. He's a friend of Chris, I met them here yesterday. This bar belongs to him." 

Logan nodded and buried his face in the menu. When Matt came back with the beer they ordered their meals and, without his menu to hide behind, Logan let his gaze travel around the room. It was small but tidy. Not a bad place to go to. Not as dark and loud as "Crash", most of the interior here was made from light wood and there was no loud rock music playing. Only soft pop music in the background. He had to admit that he liked it. 

Max had been following his looks. "Is it okay for you?" 

"Sure it is. It's a nice place." He giggled silently. "So maybe I should insult you more often. Perhaps you'll find some nice places in Seattle too." 

She grimaced at him. "No, I won't. In Seattle there are too many places I'd go to before searching for something new." 

"Like where?" Logan asked. 

"Like home?" she said, raising her eyebrows. "Or like Crash? Like the Space Needle?" 

"You still go up there?" he asked. 

"Sure I do. It's a great place to think. I feel so free there, as if I was a part of all that's happening beneath - as if I wasn't any different," she added after a moment of hesitation. 

Logan smiled at her. "You'll always be different, Max. But that's a good thing. Be proud of it. So many people try everything to separate themselves from the crowd. Take it as a gift, not as a curse." 

She shrugged. "I think it's both. But I'd prefer to have to color my hair pink to be different." She smiled. 

"No ordinary girl would have been able to get me to this town and especially not up on the mountains today. But I'm really glad you did. I'm really glad that you are special." 

_He thinks I'm special? Wow. He's so incredible. So sweet and cute and…romantic? Wait! Candlelight? And did Matt dim the lights? What's happening here? Well, I'm quite sure Logan did not arrange this, so I'm going to ignore it. Or maybe…I'm going to enjoy it. Why not? It's been a great day and Logan is a great friend. For one evening I can pretend that I'm just a regular girl, right? Just for one evening. _

Logan watched the light of the candle being reflected in Max's eyes. He too had noticed that the lights had been dimmed and he smiled when he heard soft piano music playing instead of the pop that was on before. _She is so pretty. It's so easy to lose yourself in her eyes. She's definitely one of the most incredible people I've ever met. No, wait. Make that THE most incredible person I've ever met. This whole day…I wouldn't have thought I'd ever have so much fun in my life again. I can't believe it was just yesterday that we had this fight. Today everything has been so easy. Thanks to her. I don't know where I'd be without her. Not here, that's for sure. _ He didn't realize that he was still staring into her eyes with a wide smile on his face, until Max waved her hand in front if his eyes. 

"Hey, Logan?! Somebody there?" 

"What? Oh, sorry Max. I was just thinking." 

"Yeah, it looked like that. But for the first time since we left Seattle it looked as if you were thinking about something positive," she stated. 

He grinned. "Yeah, I was. Thinking about something positive, I mean." 

She raised her brows, questioning. "So, are you going to tell me about it?" 

"No," he grinned. "Don't want you to become all big-headed." 

"You were thinking about me?" she asked, trying to hide her surprise. 

_Thinking about me…he is thinking about me and it makes him smile. That's another 'wow'. _

Logan was still grinning. "Yep. But I'm not going into details, so don't ask." 

"I won't. But I'm allowed to smile at that myself, okay?" 

"Okay." 

They were looking at each other, both thinking about the person on the other side of the table, smiling. They didn't talk, but this time it was an agreeable silence, no words were needed to enjoy the moment. 

When Matt brought their plates they started eating and Logan had to admit that the food was very good. Not a Cale culinary miracle, but very good. 

They'd already finished dessert when Chris entered the bar and waved to them. Logan gestured him to come closer and when he stopped next to the table, Chris asked, "So, how did it go?" 

"Great. It was really great. So it's definitely me who owes you a beer," Logan said. 

Chris laughed. "No need for that. Glad you liked it. Where've you been?" 

"Everywhere," Max answered. "Logan was awesome." 

"No crashes, no falls?" Chris asked surprised. 

"Well, I fell a couple of times, but nothing serious. It was fun. It really was," Logan explained. "I'm really glad you two persuaded me to try it out," he added and waved for Matt to come over. 

"I owe Chris a drink, so please bring him anything he wants," he told him. 

Chris shrugged. "I'll take a beer," he ordered at his friend, who nodded and went to the counter. 

Max stood up and nodded to the men in the wheelchairs. "I'll be right back." 

She went to the ladies room and came back a short time later, only to see the two engrossed in an obviously important conversation. Both looked very serious and she decided that it would not be nice to overhear them and went over to Matt. 

He looked up from what he had been searching and smiled at her. 

"So you two have been skiing today?" he asked and started to clean up the glasses. 

"Yeah, we have. Thanks for introducing me to Chris, by the way. Without him Logan would still be all depressed and frustrated. It was exactly what we both needed." 

"You like him a lot, don't you?" 

"Who? Chris?" 

"Logan!" 

Max grimaced. "Why do people keep saying that? Yeah, of course I like him. He's maybe my best friend. But we're not like that. We're friends and that's it." 

Matt shook his head and grinned. "Yeah, whatever you say." He continued cleaning the glasses and asked, "So do you have any plans for tomorrow?" 

"I think we're going down the slopes again. Who knows when we'll ever have the chance again." She smiled at him and suddenly raised her hand to her forehead. 

_Not now, please! Damn seizures. _

Her hand reached into her pocket but came back out empty. 

_I forgot my pills. They are in the cabin. _

"Matt?" she asked weakly. "Can I have a glass of milk?" 

"Milk?" Matt asked surprised. 

"You have some?" 

"Yeah, sure. Wait a moment, I need to get it from the kitchen." 

Max sat down on a stool and watched Matt disappear and come back only seconds later with a bottle of milk. He eyed her concerned. "You okay?" 

She shrugged. "Not feeling too good right now," she admitted and smiled thankfully at the glass of milk he handed her. She swallowed the whole content in one sip and put the glass back on the counter. "Can I get a refill?" 

Matt smiled and filled her glass again, but even after a second refill, Max still had to wait a few minutes for the trembling to cease. 

"Thanks, that's better." 

The look she earned was that of a professional barkeeper. Friendly and surely surprised, but not asking any questions. 

Max bit on her lower lip, hesitating. Then she said, "Thanks for not asking. And could you do me a favor and not tell Logan about it?" 

Matt nodded, smiling. "I'm the bartender, remember? Your secret's safe with me." 

"Do you think it's safe for me to join the guys?" Max asked. 

Looking over to the table where Chris and Logan were still talking, Matt shrugged. "I don't know. Looks like guy-talk to me." 

He looked at Max and their eyes met. No one said it, but both of them knew that those guys weren't talking regular guy-talk. Maybe they said or two about women in general and Max in particular, but most of the topics they talked about were different. More serious and more paralysis-related ones. That was clear from the way Chris was enthusiastically talking and the way Logan looked so skeptical. He asked a question every once in a while, but it seemed as if it was Chris who was doing most of the talking. 

"I think I'll stay here a little longer," Max said. 

"You want some more milk?" Matt asked. 

"No, thanks. I'm really okay, now." 

"So, how long have you known Logan?" 

Max smiled. "It'll be a year next month." 

"And there's nothing going on between the two of you?" 

She grimaced. "No," she said, as if this was the most natural thing on earth. "And why should there? We're good friends, that's all. And I think that's enough." 

"Of course that's enough - usually," he added. "But I'm not sure it's enough for you. I promise not to tell Logan about whatever problem you had, but I want to ask you for a favor too." 

Max grinned. "Oh, a quid pro quo. I have experience with those." 

"Yeah, a quid pro quo. Just think about what you want from your relationship with Logan, okay? He seems like a nice guy and he really seems to like you, but I'm not sure that he's brave enough to take the next step. I'm not telling you that changing the relationship is the right thing to do for the both of you, I'm just asking you to think about it." 

She looked down at first, as if the words needed time to sink in. "I promise I will think about it," she then said, looking up again. "And you're right, Logan is not brave enough. Not now. There've been…changes…recent…changes and since then I'm sure you're right. He will not change our relationship. So it's my turn, if I want it to be changed. And that's something I'm not completely sure of myself. So I'll think about it. I promise." 

"Good girl," Matt smiled. "And I think it's safe for you to go back now. They finished their guy-talk." 

Max smiled back at him. "Yeah, looks like. Thanks for entertaining me." 

"No problem." 

She jumped from the stool and went over to the table where Chris and Logan sat and from where she got one of the warmest smiles. 

_It feels as if the world stops turning when he smiles like that, _ she allowed herself to think. _ He is so cute. What am I supposed to do about it? _

She sat down on the vacated chair opposite Logan and asked, "You guys up for girl's company?" 

Chris grinned. "Well, depends on the girl." 

Max grinned back. "Assuming it was me?" 

Logan gave her another of his genuine smiles. "In that case, we are up for company. Where have you been?" 

"Talking to Matt." 

They continued teasing each other and talked small talk, until Logan yawned. "I don't wanna prove that I'm an old man, but I'm afraid it's time for me to go to bed." 

Chris nodded. "Yeah, for me too. See you two tomorrow?" he asked. 

"Sure, we'll bring back the skis tomorrow evening," Logan promised. When Chris turned around and started to wheel away, he shouted after him, "Bye, Chris. And thanks!" 

Chris turned his head back to Logan and nodded. "You're more than welcome. Just don't forget about it." 

Logan nodded, and for a moment he was oblivious to anything around him. He shook his head, as if to wake himself and looked at Max. "You're coming home with me?" 

"Of course. Don't plan on staying here all night," she added. "Let me just pay the bill." 

She stood up and went over to Matt to pay. When she came back, Logan had already put on his jacket. She grabbed hers and together they walked to the car. 

Nobody spoke a word in the car. Logan was still thinking about his conversation with Chris and Max didn't want to disturb him. If he was so engrossed in his thoughts, it really must have been a serious talk. 

When they arrived at the cabin Logan went straight to bed, leaving Max alone in the living room. She took the book she had started reading in the morning and made herself comfortable in the armchair. 

She heard Logan in the bathroom and later in his bedroom. She could again hear his steady breathing, indicating that he was asleep. Suddenly she saw the book shaking, and in the same moment she felt another seizure hitting her. 

_Damn, damn, damn, she cursed. It had to be this weekend. Of course. _

Slowly she stood up and careful, not to wake Logan, she went to the bathroom, where she'd kept her bottle of pills in the wash bag. She opened it with trembling hands and swallowed some of them. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub she waited for the seizures to disappear. 

_I really hope that was it, _ she prayed. _Logan has had enough troubles, I really don't wanna ruin his trip. I'll go to bed and try to sleep. Usually that works quite well after I have my seizures. _

She tried to stand up, but the trembling started again and she needed more tryptophan. Swallowing some more pills, she decided not to wait in the bathroom any longer, but to go to bed right away. There she pulled her blanket up over her shoulders and held it tight, just, as if she was trying to tuck herself in. It took some time, but finally the seizures subsided and sleep welcomed her. 


	7. Down We Go Again

**Disclaimer** and **Spoilers**: See Chapter 1

**A/N:** Okay, first of all: It already happened twice during this fic that ffn wouldn't let me post, so I finally took the time and completely redid my homepage. It's much faster now (yep, only one pic per site) and it's up to date. So in case ffn is wonky again, you can check out for updates there. The url is www.rajana.de.vu.

Now back to this chapter. I found it incredibly hard to write and it only went through one round of beta (usually my chapters need two), so in case you find some mistakes left, blame it on me or Kasman's trip :-) (Thanks, boo, for doing this somewhere in the middle of everything!) Or you could always tell me, then I'd have a chance to correct it. Here you go, chapter 7:

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**7. DOWN WE GO AGAIN **

Logan woke up early the next morning, this time anticipating the day. Yesterday's events were still spinning in his head. The wonderful day, the great evening, that had started so romantic…well, and yeah, the long talk he had had with Chris.

He wished he could just pretend that Chris was being a smart-aleck, but he knew that it would be wrong. Chris knew what he was talking about and – what made it even worse - he was right. He had been right with almost everything he'd said about him and… well… maybe he was right with everything he'd said about his life too.

Logan sighed and got up. He took a shower and started to make breakfast.

_Strange that Max seems to be still asleep. She never sleeps that much. Hope she is okay._

When breakfast was ready he wheeled to her room. He knocked, but nobody answered. Carefully he opened the door and found her still asleep, wrapped in her blanket. _She's adorable. So cute._

He stopped next to her bed and carefully pulled at her blanket. "Max? Max? It's time to wake up."

She yawned and turned around. "Hey," she smiled tiredly. When she saw the digits on the alarm clock, she sat up immediately. "Whoa, that late?"

"Yep. Breakfast is ready. Meet you in the kitchen?"

Max nodded and stood up, grabbing her clothes before she went to the bathroom.

A little while later she came to the kitchen where Logan was waiting for her. 

After they had finished breakfast they left for the gondola. They continued what they had started the day before. Both of them had a great time skiing, going faster and feeling more secure every time. They enjoyed the great weather and the fact that they were getting better by the minute. When it was time to have lunch they returned to the upper station of the gondola where Logan had left his wheelchair and where there was a little cabin that held a self-service restaurant. He changed to his chair, then they each got a plate and something to drink and found a place at a table outside on the big porch. 

"I like it here," Max said.

Logan smiled. "Yeah. It's so warm. And it's really fun with all the snow."

"I'm really glad you like it. And you're so good at skiing. Why haven't you tried it earlier?"

He shrugged. "Well, I thought this was something I'd never do again. And Bling's therapy and basketball seemed like enough sport for me. I never checked out what else I could do."

Max nodded.

Logan continued the conversation. "What about you? You don't seem to like sport too much."

She shrugged. "Yeah, well… I don't have exactly good memories of my childhood sport sessions. So I never did anything later."

_Cale you're an idiot. Why did you have to ask? That's not exactly what I wanted to remind her of. Go on, ask her something different…_

"But riding your bike for Jam Pony is okay?"

"Yeah, that's a job, not a sport," she tried to explain.

"And why did you go skiing?"

Max smiled shyly, something she almost never did. "Because I thought it was something we could do to have some fun. And since I haven't been trying out much, why not start with skiing?" she told him, sad emotions from Manticore memories and the joy of being here together with Logan spun in her mind.

"Sorry for asking," Logan apologized after a moment of hesitation. 

"Nothing to be sorry for," she shrugged. "Hey, are you finished? Shall we go on?"

"Sure."

Max stood up and walked through the chairs and tables that stood on the porch. She only turned around when she heard a guy shout. "Get out of my way!"

What she saw in front of her was Logan, who was confronted by a group of four guys.

"I'm sorry," Logan said, "I just wanted to get out of here."

"But that doesn't mean you're allowed to throw chairs at me."

Logan sighed. "I didn't throw a chair at you. I'm sorry if I did something…"

"Stop talking, crip. Get out of my way and get down this mountain. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Nothing, just nothing," Logan raised his hands in a gesture of defense. "If you could possibly get out of my way…I really want to leave." His hands went back to the wheels of his chair.

Max had watched everything, not saying a word. But this changed when one of the guys, a bald tall man in his late twenties, stepped closer to Logan, put a hand on his shoulder and asked. "Why are you leaving? The fun is just about to begin."

She stepped between the guy next to Logan and the other three and spoke up. "Four against one? You call that fair? Where you are from?"

One of the three guys, the one wearing a red jacket, turned to her. He scanned her from head to toe and grinned. "Wow, look what we have here. Hey, honey, what do you want?"

"I just want you to stop and let him leave."

"You're with him?" the guy asked surprised.

Max grinned back. "Yeah."

_Wow, that sounds good. I'm with him. I just hope I don't have to kick those guys down the mountain._

Logan hadn't interrupted Max, but now he decided to intervene. He shoved the bald man's hand from his shoulder and asked angrily, "Can we stop that? I'm really sorry for causing any trouble, but there's nothing more I'd like to go now, so please let us leave."

When none of the guys showed any sign of reaction, Max stepped next to Logan, placed her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. "Let's go, Logan."

They smiled at each other and decided wordlessly that it was time to simply walk past the guys. They did and, astonishingly, they weren't hindered.

In front of the station they put on their skis and after minutes of silence Max asked, "What happened back there?"

Logan hesitated and put on his gloves, before he answered. "Nothing, really. I couldn't get through between the chairs and the tables, so I pulled one aside. I hadn't seen them."

_I can't believe this happened. I can't believe that here on this trip by all possible days we had to meet those morons. Not today, _Max sighed in her head._ I don't want to go back all the way we have come during this trip._

Logan cursed almost soundlessly, "Damn chair."

It hadn't been meant for her ears, but still Max had heard it. She released the binding of the skis she had just closed and walked over to Logan. She kneeled down in the snow next to him to look him in the eyes and said softly. "Wrong answer. It's not 'damn chair'. It's 'damn morons', okay?" She smiled at him, trying to make her smile spread over to his face and finally she succeeded.

"Yeah, okay," Logan said, smiling a tentative smile and pulling her into a short hug. "Damn morons."

Max kept smiling and asked, "You're ready to go skiing now?"

"Yep. Let's go."

They managed to go down two slopes without any incidents, but on the next slope they weren't that lucky.

Max and Logan stopped where the chairlift ended and enjoyed the view. "Fantastic," Logan said, looking at the mountain panorama, and Max nodded.

"Yeah, it is. Ready to go down?"

Logan nodded and watched Max go ahead. A second later he followed her, maneuvering the mono ski down the slope until he had to stop because someone braked his snowboard hard in front of him, leaving him in a cloud of snow.

"Idiot," he cursed.

"Look who we have here," the snowboarder gave back and soon three more boarders stopped next to them. Logan recognized the four guys from the lunch break and sighed silently.

"What the hell are you doing here?" the first guy, again the bald one, asked.

Logan looked at him through his sunglasses and said in a friendly way, "What does it look like? I'm skiing down this mountain."

"Yeah, and right in my way. Go home and leave the slopes for us, gimp."

_I'm not allowed skiing here? I could accidentally push the ice claws of the crutches right into his calf, but I'm afraid the other three would kill me right away. And I'm definitely not as fast as them. Great. You should have stayed at the cabin, Logan._

"Why don't you just go past and ignore me? What do you think?" he suggested, his voice tense.

"Nah, that's boring," the guy in the red jacket said. "Where's that girl we saw you with? Did she finally figure out that there are better things to do than hanging around with you?"

Logan breathed deeply, trying to calm himself, when he heard Max's voice behind him.

_Arrgh. She is saving me again. I can do that alone. I need to do that alone. Somehow. _

Max stepped closer, her skis over her shoulder. "No, she didn't figure out anything like that. She was waiting around the corner. And you're really getting on her nerves."

_Damn, I can't believe they found him again. How is this day ever going to have a happy ending if these guys keep destroying everything I try to achieve? If this is going to get any worse, then Logan is never going to talk to me again._

"Oh, honey, there you are. Come on, you can't seriously ski with him."

Max put the skis in the snow behind Logan and grinned sarcastically. "Well, yeah, you're right. I'm not skiing with him, because some morons keep accosting him."

She stepped next to him and put her hand on his shoulder. Logan looked up to her and shook his head. "Max, it's okay. It's not your affair."

_Not my affair? What's he thinking? That he can take out four guys? Well, I know he can defend himself pretty well, but not against four guys. Nobody could that. At least nobody who's not Manticore._

Nevertheless she stepped back. "Just evening up the chances."

The guy in the red jacket spoke up again. "Girl, you're on the wrong side."

"No, she's not," Logan replied. "We're here together and we've been skiing. I don't think it's so crowded here that I'm really an obstacle for any of you. And I…"

Logan couldn't finish his sentence because the bald guy, who had released his bindings, stepped closer to him and pretended to stumble. He leaned against Logan and knocked him over. He had no chance to keep his balance, so that he tumbled down the mountain. When his downward trip ended, he lay on his side, the seat shell still attached to him, but he had lost both of his crutches and he knew immediately that he wouldn't be able to get down the mountain without them.

_I'm stuck on this mountain. I can't believe I just tumbled down that mountain in front of Max's eyes. That's so embarrassing. And I'm not even able to get up. I wish the earth would swallow me whole._

Looking up from where he had come, he saw Max taking out the four guys without breaking a sweat. He saw how she raised one of the guys' snowboard and brought him to dreamland, when his head crashed hard onto the snow. The next guy earned a kick with her ski boots into his midsection and went down. Then she dodged the bald one's punch and grabbed his snowboard, which lay still on the ground, and pushed it hard with the brink against the chest of the red-jacket-guy. When she pulled it away to the right hand side, the red jacket tore and the guy cried out. She'd obviously cut badly into his upper arm. With only the bald guy left, she concentrated on using her fists and boots and punched into his face and kicked into his midsection, until she got tired of it and rammed her knee up between his legs. With a loud moan he sank to his knees and held his injured parts.

Max grabbed him by the collar of his jacket and hissed, "Stop bothering my friend. Get lost. The next time I see you threatening him, you're dead. Is that understood?"

Too hurt to answer, he only flinched, but Max grabbed him tighter. "Understood?"

He nodded slowly. 

"Great. And tell your friend with the bad cut in his arm, that I'm not 'honey'!"

He nodded again and Max finally let him go.

Wordlessly she put on her skis, grabbed her poles and went down the slope, picking up Logan's crutches on the way.

Logan was still struggling to sit up, but angry as he was and without the crutches for stabilization, he still hadn't managed when Max stepped next to him. Wordlessly she reached out her hand for him to pull himself up and once seated, she handed him the crutches.

_He's really, really angry and frustrated. And I can even understand him. At least a little. But shouldn't he be able to ignore guys like those? Shouldn't he finally?_ Max asked herself.

Logan was still angry. _Saved by Max. Again. I wonder when I'll ever be able to live my life independently. Without needing her to come and rescue me._

"Do you want to go on?" Max asked carefully.

Logan shook his head. "I'm done. I'm going home."

They didn't speak on their way to the car and back to the cabin. Logan was driving, his eyes on the road, and Max was trying to find the right words to pull him out of his misery. When the words wouldn't come, she didn't speak either. Finally they reached the cabin.

Without a single word Logan went to his bedroom, leaving Max alone in the living room. She shook her head, disappointed because of his behavior and the day as such. She tried to read a little, but the book wasn't holding her attention as it had been the day before. Today's events kept spinning in her mind and she couldn't decide if she was more angry at Logan's attitude, at her idea of going skiing or at the guys that had started all the trouble.

She sighed, stood up and went over to the bathroom. When she opened the door she saw Logan in his chair in front of the toilet which was on the other side of the room, his back was to her. Obviously he hadn't noticed her yet. Her first thought was to close the door and leave as fast as she could, but something held her in place.

_Wonder what he's doing there. He's not honestly peeing from his wheelchair into the toilet, is he? _

She stretched her back to find out what he was doing and in exactly the same moment she saw the catheter, Logan became aware of her presence and turned his head around.

_Oh my god, can it get any more embarrassing?_ He asked himself, his cheeks reddening. _She is not standing there, is she? Oh lord, she is. Damn, damn, damn. I didn't lock the other door. And now she's watching me pee through a tube. Great. Can this day be any more humiliating? What is she going to think of me? Not only did I not know how to handle those guys, now she knows that I can't even use the toilet. I wish I was dead._

Max was still standing there, watching him with a mixture of curiosity and shock.

_I never thought about it,_ she admitted to herself. _Up until now I never thought about what a spinal cord injury really meant. For me it was just that Logan can't walk. Period. But now… he's catheterizing himself, so he isn't able to go to the toilet. And if his bladder doesn't work, what about…well… other things? I've been such an idiot. I've been pretending to understand, but in reality I didn't have the foggiest notion. What am I supposed to do now? What am I supposed to say?_

"Don't you think you've seen enough ?" Logan asked sharply, turning his head back.

"Logan, I...I'm sorry, I…I didn't mean to…" Max stuttered, but Logan wouldn't let her finish.

"Leave, Max, please leave."

Irritated she looked down to the ground, then up at the back side of his back and his strong shoulders over the backrest of the chair. "Sorry," she said, before she headed out, leaving Logan alone in the bathroom.

_I definitely hit rock bottom today,_ Logan sighed, when she was gone. He closed his eyes, pretending none of today's events had happened, but when he opened his eyes again, he was still looking at what Max had just seen. A man, unable to control his own bodily functions. Angrily he pulled the catheter out, ready to throw it across the bathroom but deciding to let it be. He finished his task as usual, staring back at the man in the mirror when washing his hands.

His look was cold, emotionless and the color of his skin seemed gray. He wasn't sick, he was tired and humiliated. _There's no way I'll ever be able to face Max again_, he told his reflection. _No way_.

Max, in the meantime, had returned to the living room. 

_Can we sink any deeper? It's hard to believe that it was just yesterday that we had this great day. Now it's all over and Logan's mood is even worse than before. I know I should have closed the door the moment I saw him in the bathroom, but I didn't. Now I feel horrible and I don't know what to do about it. Why did we never talk about it? Why did I have to find out like this?_

Sighing she stood up, slipped on her shoes and went out to grab some more wood so she could light the fire. 

_Angry or frustrated or whatever, there's no need for either one of us to freeze to death._

  



	8. Angels and Demons

**Disclaimer** and **Spoilers**: See Chapter 1 

**A/N**: Another chapter in my little AU. Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, I wasn't really sure if I had done anything right with it. And I had expected you to know how we're going to solve the "situation" I had gotten our favorite heroes into. But if you still don't know – go ahead and read chapter 8. Credits for the chapter title go to Dan Brown and his fabulous book. In case you're tired of DA fanfic - go and read it.

The usual beta thanks go out to Kasman – and again the warning that this chapter has only been betaed once. (Even though Kasman eliminated my bowl – bowel mistake, so you're not gonna get the laugh she had.)

And Alaidh... it was 2 mistakes but it should be correct now. And I'll live with the fact that Lydecker knows about the seizures, 'cause I'm just too lazy to rewrite it. Sorry for that.  
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**8. ANGELS AND DEMONS**

Slowly Max walked up the stairs of the porch, suddenly feeling incredibly tired. Forcing herself up the last stair, the trembling started. The wood in her arms tumbled to the ground as she stumbled forward, trying to reach the doorknob. When she missed it, she slid down the door, sitting shaking in front of it. _Please make it stop,_ she prayed. _Just let me get inside._

But her strength wouldn't come back, she knew that. All she could do was hope that…   
She wasn't able to finish her thoughts as she fainted.  
  
Logan, still in the bathroom, had heard the noises coming from the porch. _What's happening? That sounded really strange. I better have a look._ Remembering his thoughts about Max and never feeling able to face her again, he added mentally,_ I can still retreat._ He opened the door to find Max lying on the floor, her eyes closed and her body shaking violently. _She's having one of her seizures. A bad one._ He leaned forward and carefully touched her face and her hands. She was cold as ice._ I need to get her inside. No matter how. _

Everything else was forgotten, the only important thing now was to get Max back inside.

"Max?" he whispered, but she wouldn't answer.

He made sure he'd set the brakes and carefully pulled her to his lap, trying to be as gentle as possible, which wasn't too easy, considering that she was shaking badly. Once he'd placed her back against his chest and her legs away from the wheels he slowly brought them to the living room, his own body shuddering from her tremors. He stopped in front of the couch and lifted her over to lay her down. 

"Max, what can I do?" he asked quietly, knowing he wouldn't get an answer but sure that he had to do something.

He went to the bathroom, checking her wash bag for tryptophan but not finding any. Going to her bedroom he searched her back-pack and was lucky. He found the bottle in the front pocket of the bag._ I need to keep a bottle myself, not give her everything I organize. I have to make sure I have some handy in case this starts without warning._ He returned with it to the living room where Max was still seizing on the sofa. He put the bottle on the coffee table and went to the kitchen to get a glass of milk. When he came back he stopped in front of her, now trying to wake her up.

"Max, please, you need to swallow this," he begged, supporting her head with his arm.

She slowly opened her eyes and whispered, "Logan…please…"

"Here, swallow this," he pleaded and gave her a couple of pills which she took thankfully. Once she'd swallowed them, he gave her the glass of milk of which she drank a few sips until she closed her eyes again and leaned back. Logan sighed his relief when he saw the seizures subside and went to his bedroom to get her a blanket. A moment later he was back, put the blanket on the table and started to pull off the shoes Max was still wearing. He then put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her carefully in an upright position to take off her jacket._ This feels so much like the first time I saw her having those seizures_, Logan thought._ I remember when she came over. The brownout and her talking about where she had been when the Pulse hit. I felt helpless then and I feel helpless now, too. I wish I could do something to make those seizures go away._ He remembered their quarrel and how happy she had been until…well, until this little accident happened. _She deserves better than this. Better than those seizures and better than I have been to her. Maybe she just deserves better than me? Maybe there's someone out there who knows what to do when she's feeling so bad?_

Slowly he let her lay down again and covered her with the blanket, then he went out to get the wood Max had lost on the porch. When he came back, he heard her whisper, "Logan? Logan?"

Within seconds he was back at her side. "I'm here, I'm here. Everything okay?"

"I thought you were gone," she whispered. "I didn't want to…you know…in the bathroom…I didn't know…"

Logan, who had paused to listen to her, threw the wood in the fireside and returned to Max. "Silly girl," he told her tenderly. "I promised I wouldn't go anywhere and I'm going to keep my promise. Just wanted to light a fire. You're still so cold."

"Thank you," she murmured quietly. "I'm sorry. I…I didn't want to ruin your day any further. I'm really sorry," she continued.

He leaned forward and caressed her shoulder. "Everything's fine. You're only ruining your own evening. I just wish I could help you."

She smiled weakly. "But you are helping me, Logan. You are here, even though my brain chemistry is going mad. You brought me inside, you gave me my pills…you're doing so much."

"You need anything else?" he asked, never stopping to touch her.

"Some more pills," she whispered. "They're really bad this time. Must be because of the implant. Haven't had any since then and they have never been this bad before. I never blacked out like that."

Logan gave her some more pills which she swallowed, then handed her the glass of milk. When she took it, another tremor hit her and she spilled some of the glass's content on the blanket.

"So…sorry," Max apologized, feeling ashamed and helpless.

"Easy there," Logan said, taking back the glass. Like he'd done before he supported her in an upright position with one hand behind her back, then he brought the glass to her mouth, helping her drink like a small child. When she was done he put the glass back on the table and smiled at her, still worried.

"Can I leave you alone for a second? Just going to get a towel to clean up the blanket and then I'm going to light the fire, okay?"

Max nodded, then closed her eyes again.

Logan did as he had said. A few moments later he was back with a little kitchen towel and wiped away the milk, then he wheeled to the fireside and placed the wood so it'd burn. When the flames flickered and he turned around, he saw that Max had been watching him.

"Anything else I can do for you?" he asked.

Max looked at him with her dark brown eyes that were clouded with pain and fear. "Could you stay?"

"Where else would I go?" he asked back, stopping in front of her. "Of course I'll stay."

"I feel so bad," Max admitted. 

"Does it hurt?"

"That's not what's so bad," she tried to explain. "It's this helplessness." She hesitated, then continued whispering, "When I was younger I was sure that Lydecker would find me one day when I was having seizures. That he'd take me when I was the most vulnerable. That's why I never told anybody about it. Not even Original Cindy. I didn't want Lydecker to know that I'm still having them."

_Her whole life has been a nightmare,_ Logan thought. _She's been on the run all her life, always fearing that Manticore would come and get her. It's incredible that with all these worries she turned out to be the woman she is._ He gently stroked her head.

"Why did you tell me?" he asked. "Because you trusted me to keep a secret?"

"I trust you to keep every secret," she told him. "You've been the first person who found out about me and the first one I could tell everything. I've been hiding all my life, but with you it was different. I never had to hide. But I hadn't exactly planned to tell you."

"Yeah, I know," Logan smiled. "And I'm pretty sure that you're safe here. Lydecker's not going to find you here and if.. well, I'd have to kick his ass then."

Max smiled. "I'm sure you would. Thank you, Logan. It feels so safe when you're around."

_When I'm around? She must be kidding. I'm the one who can't even run with her. There's no logical reason for her to trust me, but she does. And there's no reason for her to feel safe when she's with me but she does. Wow._

_Wonder if I scared him,_ Max thought._ But it's the truth. It feels good to have him around. He doesn't run away like most other guys would. This guy stays, gets me my meds and a blanket. Wow. I'm not sure I deserve this. _

They stayed silent for the next minutes, both lost in their thoughts and in each other. Logan kept caressing her head and shoulders and she relaxed more and more until the seizures seemed to be gone.

"Logan?" she finally broke the silence.

"Huh?"

"There's something else you could do, if you're up for it," she told him.

He smiled. "Sure. Tell me."

"I'm starving," she smiled back at him. "You think you could…"

Tousling her hair he laughed. "Sure. Anything special you've got in mind?"

"Nah, just something. I don't care."

"Okay, let me see what I can whip up. If there's anything you need, just call, okay?"

She nodded. "Will do. But I already feel much better."

"Good," he gave back and headed to the kitchen.

_I already miss his touch, _Max realized the moment he was gone._ What is this today? Just because he doesn't run when you're getting your seizures? One day he's not only gonna find out who you really are, but he's also going to understand. And then he'll be gone as fast as you can say 'Manticore'. Stop dreaming, Max. You're alone in this mess of a life. Be happy that there's this guy who's cooking you dinner. Enjoy it, as long as he's there. It won't be forever._

Logan in the kitchen was rumbling through their supplies. _Okay, I was able to face her again. She's not making a big deal out of it. Is that because it really is not big deal for her, or because she feels so bad?_ Pushing those thoughts aside he tried to concentrate on the task at hand. There were a couple of vegetables, pasta, of course, rice, and the meat they'd bought yesterday. He shrugged and decided to throw most of the vegetables into a pan and have it with rice and the meat. He'd just started chopping when Max came in, the blanket wrapped around her shoulders, covering her like a cloak. 

"Hey," she said. "Do you need any help?"

"Hey, you're up," he said. "Nah, I'm fine. Do you want to take a bath?"

"A shower," she nodded. "Just wanted to check if you're okay."

"I'm fine," he smiled at her. "Go and take your shower."

She disappeared smiling and went to the bathroom, while Logan continued preparing dinner.

When she let the hot water run over her body her thoughts wandered back to the living room. Back to Logan, who was now in the kitchen, cooking her dinner...once again.

A smile appeared on her lips. _He's so cute. I can't believe he did all those things for me. Can't believe he brought me inside, got me my pills, a blanket, lit the fire and brought me milk. He's so amazing. The most caring and giving person I've ever met. And despite his otherwise so serious personality, he's proven that he can be really fun. Well, not that I wouldn't have known, it's just that I so often wish he'd not be so serious. That he'd be more like he's been before the shooting, well, maybe not that arrogant, but not that serious._

She stepped out of the shower and grabbed her towel. Wrapping it around her she sat down on the edge of the bathtub. Staring at her legs she shook her head. _Even after all those time with Logan I don't have the slightest idea what it means not to be able to use your legs. Well, yeah, of course I see him everyday, I see how difficult it can be to go somewhere, but I don't know what it means. And he wouldn't tell what it feels like. He just pretends that nothing's any different. And I just can't imagine what it's like to be paralyzed. I can imagine that it's horrible, especially since our encounter here in the bathroom, but I still can't imagine that it's worth killing yourself. Well, at least not when you're not on the run from some secret government agency. If I ended up in a wheelchair, I may as well shoot myself right away. But Logan? Right now he has nothing to run from. Sure, a lot of people want Eyes Only dead, but as long as nobody knows that he is Eyes Only, he's got nothing to be afraid of._

Shrugging she stood up and got dressed before she returned to the kitchen, where Logan was already setting the table. 

When he watched her enter, his whole face smiled. "Hey," he greeted her. "You look much better."

"Thanks," she said. "I do feel better. Hope it's over. Anything I can do?"

"You could put the bowls on the table. Don't wanna burn my lap," he advised her.

Max nodded and took the bowls from the kitchen counter. "Hm, Logan, this smells great," she told him. 

"I should have known that you being outside all day and going skiing would mean you'd eat at least for three," he laughed, when he heard her stomach grumble.

"Sorry," she laughed back and sat down on the bench. Logan grabbed the bottle of wine and held it up. 

"You want a glass?"

Max grimaced and shook her head. "As much as I'd like to, I think a glass of milk would be better."

Logan nodded, put the wine back and grabbed the milk. He then stopped at the table, filled both of their glasses with milk and raised his. "To a wonderful trip with a wonderful woman."

Max blushed a little and smiled. "A wonderful trip," she confirmed, before they clung their glasses.

_She blushed. I can't believe it. She's so adorable sometimes. Well, most times. Tough-ass-attitude Max blushes almost every time she gets a compliment. Why is that? After so many years she must have learned how great she looks and how many wonderful and incredible talents she has. But maybe it's just me who is embarrassing her? Maybe it's not the compliment as such but the fact that it's coming from me? Cale, that's stupid. Why should that make any difference? There is no difference between me and all those guys at Crash or wherever who flirt with her. We're just not playing in her class. Especially not me. But still…She's sitting there, eating what I cooked for her. I wish so badly that she could see more in me than just a guy in a wheelchair. That she could see in me what she saw the days I was walking again. That she hadn't seen the real me today on the mountain and in the bathroom. I just wish… _

"Aren't you hungry?" she suddenly asked.

Wonder what he's been thinking about? Must be important if he forgets to eat…

"Well…yeah, of course I am," he stuttered and started to eat. But still his mind was somewhere else and he hardly tasted the food.

"Everything's okay?" she asked carefully, adding "What are you thinking about?" when he didn't answer.

"There's a lot of stuff going on in my mind," he admitted finally. "I felt so great yesterday, and when I woke up today, I was anticipating the day. That hasn't happened in while." He looked at her, trying to find a proof of understanding. When she nodded slightly, he continued, "But then there were these morons. I know they were just idiots, but… nonetheless…they spoke out what I feel myself. That I'm not worthy enough to live…to have fun and especially.. not worthy to be somewhere together with you."

"They are idiots, Logan. And you shouldn't feel that you're not worth any of those things. You're worth all of that and so much more." 

_He's worth everything. Everything._

Logan looked at her, emotions suppressed behind an impassible façade. "I wish I could believe you," he said quietly.

_I really wish, but I can't. It's too hard, to accept something positive for myself, after all this time. With her_.

Max looked at him, their food forgotten and so many unspoken words heavy in the air. She stood up and walked over to him, where she kneeled down and took his hands in hers. "Why do you believe those idiots but not me?" was all she asked, yet it was so hard for Logan to answer.

He hesitated, searching for the right words to say, and finally said, "Because they say what I believe myself. What you say is what I wish to be true, but it just doesn't feel right that way."

"Why not? What makes you think so badly of yourself?"

Logan stared at his hands, still captured in Max's. _Why should I think good of myself? There's not much left of the great Logan Cale_. After a while he looked up and in her eyes. "Can't we just finish dinner?" he asked. "The food is getting cold."

Max shook her head. "You're not eating anyway." She stood up and asked pleadingly, "Come with me to the living room, please."

"And then?"

"Let's talk. I want you to understand and I want to understand you. Please."

_I really want to talk about this. One last time. And then I want it to be over. Finally. I just hope he's coming with me._

Logan considered his choices and nodded. "Okay. Living room."

He released the brakes of his chair and followed her to the place in front of the still burning fire.

Max sat down on the sofa she'd lain on earlier and watched Logan stop next to her. 

"So?" he asked.

"You haven't answered my question. Why do you think of yourself as worthless?"

Logan sighed again. "You're not letting this one slide, are you?"

Max shook her head. "No, not this time."

Logan raised his eyebrows and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I just think that those guys today were right. I don't deserve you. You deserve someone who can run with you when you have to, who can help you and support you, who can be there for you when you need him and someone who doesn't have to plan every single step of the day. Someone you can go on holidays with, without having to call and make sure the cabin is accessible. And someone you won't find in the bathroom…" He didn't finish his sentence.

"You're feeling this way because of me?" Max asked incredulously. "Logan, that's so stupid."

"It's not all because of you," Logan tried to explain. _Well, most of it is, but not all, _he added in his mind. "When I wake up in the morning all I can think of are the less pleasant aspects of my life, because those are the ones that are going to rule my day - that make me feel unworthy. All those things make me feel unworthy. Some people make me forget about them and other know exactly how to emphasize them."

Max looked at him, not exactly sure what he was talking about.

"So the guys today made you think of the unpleasant aspects of your life you had pushed aside and that's why your mood changed so dramatically?" she wanted to know.

"Yeah, like that," Logan confirmed. 

"And what about me then?" Max asked. "Do you think of the good or the bad things in your life when you see me?"

Logan put his glasses on the small coffee table next to the sofa and rubbed his eyes. "That depends," he answered. "Sometimes you're the only reason I get up and other times you're the reason I feel so miserable. You're all that's good and beautiful to me. I look forward to seeing you everyday, but when you're there, you're making my flaws so obvious."

"Flaws?" Max tried to understand. 

"Look at me and look at yourself. Just look at this damn chair. When I was able to walk again, all those feelings of inferiority were gone. I felt as if I was your equal."

Max still tried to get what he was telling her. "I don't understand that, Logan. You have always been my equal. Or even more than that. I can't understand why just because you can't walk, you're feeling inferior. Why, Logan? Why?"

"Don't you see it? When we met, we were flirting. And when I could walk again, we were flirting too. This never happens when I'm in the chair. It can't happen."

"Why not?" Max was getting impatient. "Of course it can happen. If we both want it to. But when you hide yourself behind your chair, nothing's going to happen, so much is true. When you lost the hope of walking again, you stopped flirting with me and instead you tried to kill yourself. We can't flirt when you're dead!" 

Sarcasm was dripping from her words and it scared Logan. _Why is she talking like that? Why?_

"I thought my life was over," he tried to explain, his voice low and full of emotions. "I thought I had lost it all – again. You told me the news and disappeared. I was sure you wouldn't come back to me."

"It was you who sent me away, just to remind you," Max shot back. "And why shouldn't I come back? Wasn't I there before you could walk?"

"Yeah, you have been. Because you felt responsible. But this time.."

Max didn't give him the chance to finish his sentence. "No way, Logan. You're not going there. I felt responsible, yeah. But that wasn't the reason I came back, not the reason I came over almost every day this last months."

"So what was the reason?" Logan asked, his voice quiet again.

"You – you were the reason. I thought we were friends, I thought we meant something to each other. Something that's not gonna change because you can't walk anymore. Do you have any idea how much you scared me that day? And later, when you wouldn't talk?"

Logan hadn't the strength to look her in the eyes, he could only stare at his hands in his lap.

"God, Logan, I'm still scared every time I come to your apartment. I'm still scared that I'm going to find you with that bullet in your head and I won't have been able to do anything to stop you from doing it. I don't know what I can do to take away the pain that you're obviously in. Why can't you just talk to me? Why do I feel as if this was all my fault? As if I put you back in that chair myself?" Max was almost yelling, still scared to admit her feelings, yet feeling the necessity to do so.

He sighed, not knowing how to make her understand that she was wrong.

"You don't have to feel responsible," he said, trying to calm her. "There's no reason for it. I'm the one in the chair and that's strictly on Bruno, not your transfusion or anything else you did or didn't do."

"But my transfusion made you walk again," Max said, her voice desperate in a way Logan had never heard it before. "I made you walk again. You were so happy, so much like the Logan I got to know at the very beginning. And I wanted you to be able to keep this. I wanted you to be happy." She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply before she added, "Us. I wanted us to be happy."

Logan finally looked up and saw the tears in her eyes she wouldn't allow to fall down. "So I have been right all the time?" he asked unbelievingly. "You wanted us to be happy and that could only work when I could walk? Of course."

He released the brakes and turned around. "You know what, Max? Don't bother any more. There's no need for you to stay with me. I won't kill myself, so you can stop feeling responsible. And I won't ever walk again, that's why you don't have to stay and wait for the miracle to happen, so that you can finally have your happily ever after. Go home, Max, and live the life you really want."

Grabbing his jacket he left the cabin.

  



	9. The End of the World as We Know it

**Disclaimer** and **Spoilers**: See Chapter 1 

**A/N:** Well, not much to say about this chapter. Judging from the reviews some of you have been waiting for it, so here it is. No more talking, just enjoy.

The chapter title is from the REM song. Don't need to know the lyrics, only the title is important.

And thanks to Kasman for the beta :-)

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**9. THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT **

Max stayed seated for a moment, until she realized what he had just said and done.

_The idiot. He got it all wrong. I try to explain, try to tell him how I feel and he runs away. Damn Manticore. Not only do I get my seizures this weekend, I'm also so screwed up that I can't even admit how I feel without making people run away. Thanks for that, Donald Lydecker. Thanks for ruining the best relationship I ever ha…Relationship…Yeah, Max, admit it, you want a real relationship with this guy. No matter what. You want the "we are not like that" to end and you want to be together with him. That's the only reason his pain is hurting you as well. And no way Lydecker is going to take that away from me before it has even started. I will have to stop blaming Manticore for everything that's not going the way I want it. So put on your shoes and run. He can't have gone far._

Max nodded encouragingly to herself, put on her shoes and ran through the door.

Once Logan had left the cabin his anger vanished into the cold of the dark evening. He decided to give them both a few more minutes to cool down and continued wheeling through the chilly air.

_She never said there could only be an "us" if I could walk. She just said that she wanted us to be happy. And she assumed that I could only be happy if I'm able to walk. And she was right, from her point. I was happy when I could walk, before Bruno shot me, and I was happy when her transfusion made me walk again. But looking back now, it wasn't all because of the walking. It was because of the way we suddenly treated each other. The chances that suddenly seemed to be there. But honestly…if I decided to believe her, believe that the chair doesn't matter to her…and if I forgot all my self-pity for a while, maybe then there is a chance for us. For a real us. With both of us as we are. I'll give her another few minutes to cool down and then I'll go back. Talk to her. _

"Logan?" he suddenly heard her shouting. "Logan, wait!"

He spun his chair around and looked at her. She hadn't even put on a jacket, she was still wearing her sweatpants and the pullover. Her hair was tousled and she looked pale, but to him she was the most angelic being on earth.

"Max?" he asked surprised. _What's she doing here? She still looks pale._

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm really sorry, Logan. I didn't want you to think that I could only imagine being with you if your legs work. That's just not true. But it's so hard to try to be more than your friend when you're so depressed. And…well…I wasn't sure if you ever wanted me to be more than your friend. I still don't know. I just don't know how to help you. I want you to be happy even in the chair. Can't you understand?"

_Jeez, he's sexy. The way he looks at me, the way his surprise shows on his face. And the way he just spun the chair around. This guy is sexy, not _despite_ of but _because_ of him being in a wheelchair._

_I just hope he likes me the way I like him. And that he still wants to be my friend. And that I'm not freaking him out. I'm not exactly like one of the girls he used to get together with._

Logan smiled at her. "I want us to be all that we can be," he told her. "Whatever that is."

"I thought you'd just need to take some time to accept the situation. To accept being in the chair again. And to figure out how you want to live your life. But…well…I don't want you to find out that you want to live your life without me. I don't want to be without you, Logan."

He looked into her pleading eyes and his heart melted. _How could she think things like that? Well, she found me after I had considered putting a bullet into my head. Maybe that is reason enough? Maybe that's why she thinks that I might not want to be together with her. But now I know what I want. Finally I know._

"That's what Chris told me yesterday," Logan said which made Max look at him in surprise.

"He told me to find out how I want to live my life. If I wanted to continue grieving, or if I wanted to have more days like yesterday. Days full of joy and fun. He also told me that I would have an easier time if I'd finally be honest with myself. I didn't know what he meant then, but now I'm quite sure that he was talking about you. I don't want to be without you either, Max." 

Logan reached out and took one of her hands in his. "But I can't promise that I'll be able to be happy with my life now and forever, okay? I'll try to, but I can't promise."

Max squeezed his hand and said, "When you asked me to give you time, I told you that you could take as much time as you need. I still mean that. And nobody can always be happy." 

"I know. But today has really been hard. I felt so useless when those guys appeared again. And again when you saw me in the bathroom. It was exactly what I had expected this little trip to be like. Embarrassing, humiliating. Like all of what I feared could possibly happen had happened today."

"So you can make things come true, only when you think about it hard enough?" Max asked, grinning shrewdly.

Logan didn't answer, he only raised his eyebrow, trying to figure out what she was trying to say.

Max suggested, "Well, maybe you should try and think very hard of something you actually want to happen. Something positive."

He smiled at her, then pretended to think intently about something. 

The seizure that suddenly hit her came as unannounced as the last one. Before Logan could do anything he saw Max sitting on the cold earth, embracing herself and shaking uncontrollably. 

_Damn, not again. It's so cold and she doesn't even have a jacket. Her pills… did she bring her pills? Forget the pills, I need to make sure she's not going to freeze. No matter how._

Carefully he slid from his chair and sat next to her. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to calm and warm her. 

"Fo…forgot m…m…my p…p...pills in the cab...b...bin," she stuttered, her teeth rattling.

"It's gonna be okay," Logan whispered, holding her tight. "It's gonna be okay."

He pulled off his jacket and helped her put it on. She smiled a weak but thankful smile and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered after a little while. "I'm nothing but trouble."

"I'm sorry I didn't bring you home in time," Logan told her. "I saw how pale you were, but I didn't react." He hesitated, then asked, "Unless you want to stay here all night, do you think you can manage to get up?"

Max slowly shook her head. "I…I can't walk right now. Just give me a little more time."

Logan caressed her hair tenderly and rubbed her back. "I'm not asking you to walk back. I'm asking you to get up. I'm willing to give you a ride home, if you think you can manage to get on my lap."

_This is not going to get better without tryptophan_, Max knew. _And Logan is getting cold without his jacket. I have to be able to manage that much._ She nodded. "Need my pills," she said simply.

Logan nodded back at her and let go to lift himself back in the chair. He then reached for her and helped her up. When she sat on his lap, her arms wrapped around his neck, he carefully wheeled them back to the cabin.

There he went straight to the living room. Max didn't complain when he carefully lifted her to the sofa she'd laid on before. He pulled off her shoes and his jacket that she was still wearing, then pulled the blanket over her. He took the bottle of pills from the coffee table and gave her as much as she needed.

Max didn't say anything while Logan was taking care of her, she just gave in to the good feeling of not having to be in control. _Logan is taking care of me. He's there. He'll make sure I take my pills and give them time to work their magic on my brain chemistry. I really hope that this is not how it's going to be from now on. I should never have put that implant in my head. Of course it was the only chance to free OC, and I'd do it over and over again, but I really hope I'm not killing myself with it. _

Logan had pulled off his shoes and returned to Max. She was still shaking lightly and her eyes were clouded from the thoughts behind them.

"You okay?" he asked.

She nodded slowly. "Okay, yeah. Not great, but okay. Thank you, Logan. Now I officially messed up your evening."

He smiled at her and shook his head. "Not a chance in the world. You told me that you want to be more than my friend and that you don't want to be without me. There's no chance for you to ruin this evening for me – unless you're planning on taking your words back."

"No way," she smiled weakly. "Next time I ask you to think about something positive, do what I told you. This is not positive."

He smiled at her and both of them knew that they were going to start something new. Something both of them had wished to come true. 

"Can you…can you come here?" Max asked quietly. "I want you to hold me like you did outside."

Logan caressed her hair and shook his head. "No, sorry. If I'm going to lie beside you, one of us is going to fall from that sofa."

"Can't we just sit on the floor, like we did outside?"

_This girl really needs someone who holds her when she's feeling so bad,_ Logan realized. _Maybe she's never had anyone to do that before._

"I could get more blankets so we won't get cold down there," he suggested.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Max agreed.

When Logan turned away to get the blankets from his bedroom, she asked, "Promise you hurry?"

"Promise," he gave back.

Within seconds he returned, two thick blankets on his lap. He took the woolen blanket Max was lying underneath and put it on the floor between sofa and fireside. The next blanket was placed above the first and the third he kept aside to use as a cover once they were seated.

Max slid from the sofa to the ground, now using it as a backrest. She again embraced herself. Logan sat down next to her, taking the last blanket and wrapping it around the two of them. He held her tight like he had done before, but this time she wasn't shaking so badly and he didn't need to shield her from the cold. This time he felt her slim, strong body against his and he had to admit that he really enjoyed it. He enjoyed being so close to Max. He could feel her getting warm, both of their bodies returning to their usual temperature.

After a while he felt her move and let go. A moment of hesitation and wondering, if this had been it, was ended, when she turned sideways, her legs over his and her side leaning against his chest. Logan pulled her tight again, and for a while neither of them spoke a word.

"Did you mean what you said?" were the words with which Max broke the silence.

"Mean what?" Logan asked.

"That you want us to be all we can be? Do you really want us to be more than friends?"

_Why does she have to ask that again? Doesn't she know what she wants or why? Oh please, I couldn't stand if she still wasn't sure. I admit that I haven't been sure myself until today, but right now I know exactly what I want. I want to kiss her. Right now, right here. Those beautiful lips…_

All he could do was nod. He stared at her mouth and nodded.

Max's thoughts kept thinking about something else, so she asked, "Why didn't you tell me?" 

"Tell you what?" he asked.

"What it means to be paralyzed. What it means when half of your body is not working the way you want it to."

He tightened his embrace and closed his eyes. "It's not exactly a topic you discuss with the dessert."

_Why does she have to start talking about this again? Is she never gonna stop? Doesn't she understand that it's so much easier for me NOT to talk about it?_

But Max didn't let go. Not right now. "No, but don't you think it should have been something we were able to talk about? You always pretended it was nothing – and I believed you."

"What made you change your belief?"

Max turned around and looked at Logan, who propped himself up on his elbow. "Honestly? Even when I found you with the gun, I was still sure it was all about walking. It wasn't until today that I realized being paralyzed means more than not being able to walk. That there are other… adjustments."

"But you're still here with me?"

"Of course I am. Why shouldn't I?"

Logan raised his eyebrow, then looked away. "Because these adjustments affect a relationship, too."

_He's so cute. And scared. He should have understood by now that we're even. We're both difficult personalities – both have our problems. But he doesn't seem to care and neither do I._

"Like you not being able to walk or me being a genetically enhanced killing machine wouldn't affect a relationship either," Max told him. "I don't care, don't you get that?"

"Yeah, maybe. But I knew about your genetic enhancement from day one on. And you just told me that you found out today about several of…well…the less pleasant aspects of my disability." He was obviously not used to talking about this topic and therefore he was looking for words._ I hate talking about this. She already made me talk a lot on this trip. I'm tired of it. I really want to move on. See how far I've gotten, Max? I really want to move on._ "But there really is nothing to talk about, Max. Yeah, what you found out is right. It's not only that I can't walk, I also can't control my bladder or bowel and I don't have the slightest idea what works in the…er…sexual area. My muscles tend to spasm and I really wish I didn't have to deal with a single aspect of this. But talking about it won't change anything, and I'd really prefer you'd stop asking. I'm so happy to be here with you right now, to be with someone who knows and who doesn't seem to care."

"You're right, sorry. I'm gonna stop asking."

Max smiled, her gaze finally travelling over his lips as well.

_I think he wants to kiss me. Wow. _

"You know, I'm trying this thing too," she told him. "Right now I'm thinking about something I really want to happen."

"You do?" Logan asked, hardly able to hide the grin on his face.

_Wow. I think that means that she wants me to kiss her. Wow. I can live with those morons and with her coming into the bathroom if this is how the day is going to end. I really can live with that._

She didn't have to wait long until she felt his lips on hers. The kiss was sweet, almost innocent. It was short, but it left both of them staring like idiots.

"Does that mean your grieving time is finally over?" Max asked, hoping that his answer would be a yes. "Cause, you know, I still have no idea how to help you."

"Well, I can't promise that it's final, but right now, I feel incredibly good. And I'd say that this is a perfect way," Logan said, his eyes glowing and all sorrow gone from his face. Max, if you'd know how much you're helping just by being here…with me.

"Good," Max nodded and let her hands glide along the sides of his neck. "'Cause I really like the idea of getting more of this."

She pulled his head to hers and kissed him, again gently and carefully. When she stopped, Logan's lips curved into a wide smile again and he said, "I'm not going to stop this anytime soon, so if you don't really want this, you better stop now."

Max met his smile. "I do really want this. I want to be there for you, whenever you need me. And I want you to be there for me."

"I will, I promise," Logan said. "I'll take care of you whenever you need me. And when we're back home, I'll try to find something to stop those seizures of yours. I'm not sure I can stand seeing you have them any longer."

She smiled at the concern and love in his voice. "My seizures are not going to kill me, as long as you're there and make me take my meds." She pulled his head closer to her. Kissing him lightly on the lips, she whispered, "Thanks for saving me tonight."

Logan smiled back. "Thanks for letting me save you."

He pulled her closer to him and kissed her on the forehead. "I promise I'll make you take your meds."

"And I promise to kick you in the ass every once in while."

"Sounds like a plan."

"Yeah, it does."

They kissed again, but this time there was nothing left of the innocence of their first kisses. This time the kiss was full of love and pent-up desire. And it held the promise that they wouldn't go back the way they had come.  



	10. In the Still of the Night

**Disclaimer** and **Spoilers**: See Chapter 1 

**A/N:** Those of you who thought we were finished… sorry about that, but this fic won't finish until chapter 12. In case you forgot where we were (sorry for not updating sooner) – Max and Logan finally ended up kissing in front of the fireplace. That's where we're going to continue.

As usual - thanks to Kasman for the beta :-)  
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**10. IN THE STILL OF THE NIGHT**

"Logan?" Max asked later. They were still lying on the floor in front of the fireplace, but now they were spooning, with Logan lying behind Max.

"Huh?" he murmured, completely relaxed and already half asleep.

She put her hand on his arm that was encircling her, and squeezed it gently. "We didn't return the skis."

"We didn't?" Logan asked, but then remembered the events. _Ah, of course we didn't. We had that lovely encounter in the bathroom and then her seizures started._ "Oh, that's right we didn't. I was really pissed when we came home, right?"

"Right."

"Do you want me to take them back now?" he asked.

_He would take them back alone because he's thinking I'm still too weak? It really must be a bother for him to return the skis but still he'd do it. But that's not what I was trying to say._ "Nah, it's too late and I was just thinking…maybe we could go skiing tomorrow morning, before we leave for Seattle..."

"You want us to?"

"I'd love to," Max smiled.

_Skiing again? Sounds great. _"Okay, why not," Logan agreed. "I don't think Chris really needs his skis back right now."

"Neither do I." 

She turned around in his embrace, now facing him. When she saw his tired eyes, she smiled lovingly. "You look so tired."

He smiled back. "I am. This has been a hell of a day." _First the guys, then Max in the bathroom, Max's seizures, our little quarrel and more seizures. Well, and finally this. Gee, this day's enough for a month._

Max nodded. "So you better go to bed, 'cause I want us to be the first on the slopes tomorrow morning. Gondola opens at 08:00, so that's the time to go."

"Did you just say eight o'clock?" Logan reassured himself grinning. "'Cause if you did, it's really time for me to go to bed."

Sighing he gave Max a last kiss and sat up, leaning against the couch. 

"Ready to get up?" she asked.

Logan looked over to where his wheelchair waited next to the blankets that he had placed on the floor earlier. _Great, now I'm going to crawl over the floor with her watching me. But maybe it's better if she finds our right away. And I'm sure as hell not letting her help me._

He looked up to her. She had already stood up and smiled down at him. "Need help?" Max asked carefully, not wanting to offend him.

The look he gave her over the rims of his glassed was angry at first, but he melted inside when he saw the smile she gave him. _She just asked. It was just a simple question, nothing to be offended_, he told himself.

"Nah, I'm fine," he answered. "Just don't laugh too loud, okay?"

_Laugh? Why would he think I'd laugh at him? _Max looked at him irritated, but Logan ignored it and scooted backwards over the blanket to his chair. There he crossed his legs and transferred to the seat. When he had placed his feet on the footrest and leaned back, he looked at her and blushed, realizing that she had been watching him all the time and was now looking seriously at him.

_I like it when he's that stubborn. When he needs to prove that he doesn't need my help. When he pulls himself backwards like that, you can see his arm and chest muscles working, even under that thick pullover. No wonder I feel so safe in his embrace._

"I would never laugh at you," she said quietly. "I'm much too proud of you to laugh."

_Proud? She's proud of me?_

When Max saw the question in his expression, she nodded confirming. "I am. You've really been through so much the last week and still you're the incredible person you are. Don't worry about it, Logan." Then she added grinning. "I think it's really sexy when you prove that you are as independent as you want to be and if it involves you showing some muscle play it's even sexier."

Logan couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, it's so damn sexy, me crawling over the floor," he said. "You'd have had a lot of fun when I started rehab with Bling. He made me crawl around my apartment for days. Told me I'd not only need to know how to get along in a wheelchair but also on my butt."

"Looks like Bling did a good job."

"Yeah, he did," Logan nodded, his mind traveling back to the time after the shooting. Then he shook his head and shoulders as if to get rid of the thoughts.

"It's really time to go to bed," Max said. "And I promise not to come running into the bathroom this time."

Logan smiled when he wheeled to the bathroom, then turned his head around and said, "I'm gonna tell you when I'm done."

The next time Max heard him when he called "Done!" from his bedroom. She smiled and put on her pajamas before going to the bathroom. When she was done, she thought about it for a moment, then carefully knocked at the door to Logan's room.

"Yeah?" he answered.

When she opened the door she saw him lying on his bed, his back against the backrest, the covers pulled up to his chest and he had obviously been reading the book that he still held in his hands. The room was only illuminated by the small bedside lamp on the nightstand and when Logan looked over to where Max stood, he thought that she truly looked like an angel in the dim light and in the long white T-shirt she was wearing.

He expected her to spread her wings and fly away every second, but instead she smiled and said, "Hey!" 

"Hey!"

They looked at each other for a moment, and the tension increased when neither of them spoke a word. 

_Wonder why she came here?_ Logan wondered._ I hadn't expected to see her until tomorrow morning, but now she's standing there…Should I ask her to stay? Here?_

_What am I doing here? _Max asked herself._ Why didn't I use the other door and go straight to my bed? Now I'm standing here, not knowing what to do. Should I kiss him good night? Or just say it? Or should I ask if I can stay? I wish I had a chance to wake up next to him._

Logan was the one to break the silence when he asked, "You wanna come here for a second?" and motioned to the empty space next to him on the bed.

Max nodded slowly and sat down on the mattress close to him. She crossed her legs Indian style and smiled at Logan. He reached out for one of her hands and took it in his before he asked, "You okay?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Seizures seem to be gone. Took some more tryptophan."

He smiled back and said, "I didn't mean the seizures."

"Oh," she said surprised. "You mean…with us?"

Logan nodded. I just hope the reason she came here was not to find a way to deny this.

"I didn't know if I was supposed to come here before I go to bed, or not," Max admitted. "I'm new to this, I don't know what you expect me to do."

"I don't expect anything," Logan told her. "I was glad when you came in. I already missed you." He said the last with a warm and loving smile that shone over his whole face.

"I'm so afraid that when I wake up this will all turn out to be a dream." She looked down at their hands and added, "Sorry, I'm being stupid."

Logan shook her head and pulled her hand until she looked at him. "You are not stupid. I feel the same way too. This is just a little too good to be true."

"Don't leave me, okay? I couldn't stand loosing you."

He pulled back his hand only to put it on her shoulder. "Come here," he pleaded, indicating that he wanted her to lie next to him. Max followed and stretched her legs out, then put her head on his shoulder, snuggling closer to him. "Do you want to stay here?" Logan asked carefully. "If you don't want to…"

_I want her to stay but I definitely don't want to ruin our relationship by forcing her to do something she doesn't want to. Hope she knows that._

_Yippee, yeah, yeah, he asked. Of course I want to stay, want to sleep next to him, but I do not want to sleep with him. Not now. Not yet. Hope we agree about that, too, 'cause I'm not going to tell him that._

Max raised her head and looked into his loving eyes. "I do want to. And if you're still there when I wake up I'll know that I haven't been dreaming."

Logan held up the cover to let her slide under it and whispered, "No dream, I promise."

Max smiled and reached over to switch off the light while Logan scooted down and put his head on the pillow, then wrapped his arms around her. They lay in complete darkness, holding each other tight.

"Wow, " Max said softly after a little while. "This feels really great."

Logan laughed at her comment and Max silently thanked Manticore for her night-vision that allowed her to see the sparkle in his eyes when he confirmed, "Yeah, it feels great."

Max let the arm that had been wrapped around Logan's upper body carefully travel over his T-shirt, slowly caressing him. Logan did the same with the hand that had been placed on Max's back and laughed, when she suddenly purred like a cat. "What's that?" he asked.

She shrugged. "My feline DNA, I guess."

"So you like it?"

"Of course I do. Silly boy."

He used both of his strong arms to pull her face up to his and kissed her.

"Good night, Max."

She smiled, kissed him back and placed her head on his shoulder again. "Good night, Logan," she said, her voice muffled against his T-shirt.

_Logan smells really nice. Can't quite describe it, but really really nice. Sexy, maybe?_

He continued stroking her back, making her purr every once in a while, and she continued caressing his chest until she felt his hand stop moving. His deep and steady breathing told her that he was finally asleep.

_I can't believe that this feels so right. I really should have done this sooner. Step to the real with Logan, I mean. It's incredible how long it took us to get here, but now that we're finally here, I don't want to go back. Never. This feels so good. Even though I don't have the slightest idea of how this relationship is supposed to work. But I guess that something you never know until you've tried it._

Max turned around so that her back was to Logan.

_It feels so good to lie here with him. To be so close to him. To know that he wants me to be here. This day started so horrible but this evening turned out to be one of the best of my life. I hope I can have more evenings like this without the foreplay we had today. I guess time will tell. I don't know where we go from here. Sure, tomorrow we'll go back to Seattle, but then? Will I stay at his penthouse every night? And will we continue working together? I wouldn't want to give up my crib, but I could live with not staying there every night if this is the alternative, she thought. And I wouldn't want to stop fighting the good fight with him. I kind of got used to it. Yeah, believe it or not, X5-452 got used to fighting the good fight. To know that you can make a difference is something Logan taught me. Something I'll be forever thankful for. Even though I'm not going to admit it when he's awake._

She turned back to face him and entangled her legs with his.

_I'm really happy that he didn't pull back after today's events. I'm really happy that we've finally been honest. I've never before felt so safe and relaxed. I think I could even sleep a few hours tonight. _

Max wrapped her arm around Logan's body again and kissed him quickly on the cheek. He stirred but didn't wake up, and only minutes later Max fell asleep next to him.


	11. Leaving the Haven

**Disclaimer** and **Spoilers**: See Chapter 1 

**A/N:** Still not finished. But unfortunately it's Max's and Logan's last morning in the mountains.

Beta thanks go out to Kasman. As usual.

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**11. LEAVING THE HAVEN**

When Logan woke up early the next morning, Max was still lying next to him. She was obviously awake, since she smiled brightly, but she was still there. 

_No dream. It really happened. She's still there. _

"Hey," he murmured, still half asleep. 

"Morning, sleepyhead." 

"It's not that late, is it?" 

"Nah, I would have woken you if it was. Sleep well?" Max wanted to know. 

_ 'Cause I did, _she added in her mind. _I slept better and longer than…well…ever?_

"Great," Logan said and kissed her quickly, but Max wrapped her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. 

When they came to a stop Logan asked, "Weren't we supposed to be the first at the gondola?" 

Max smiled back at him. "Yeah. So maybe you should finally get out of this bed." 

He obeyed and about half an hour later they were having breakfast together. 

"I can't believe that this is our last breakfast here," Max said. 

"We can always come back, if we want to," Logan told her. "And you know that you can come over to have breakfast with me whenever you want to." 

"Maybe I'll do that," Max smiled. "And maybe there'll be mornings when I'm already there?" 

_She's going to stay with me. We're going home tonight and Max will still be there. She'll stay in my apartment every once in a while and we'll wake up next to each other. Like today. _Logan hesitated a moment before he said, "I hope so." 

When they had finished breakfast they packed their things together and loaded them in the car before starting off to go skiing for the last time. 

The weather was almost as great and the sun shone almost as bright as Max and Logan themselves. When they were waiting for the gondola it was Logan who took Max's hand and held it until they had to enter. When they left the gondola on top of the mountain and Logan transferred from his wheelchair to the ski, Max wrapped her arms around him from behind and kissed him before making sure the wheelchair could stay at the upper station again. 

They'd just gone down a few short slopes when somebody sped down next to them, overtaking them with incredible speed and ease before he braked hard. Logan looked down at him and smiled, when he recognized the man on the mono-ski. "Hey Chris!" he shouted and skied further down to meet him. "No work today?" he asked. 

"Hey Logan! Nah, Lucy's taking care of the shop. The weather forecast said the snow is going to melt, so I decided to go skiing before the season is really over. You're doing pretty well, by the way." 

"Thanks," Logan answered. "It's really fun." 

"Where is Max?" Chris wanted to know. 

"Can't be far…Look, here she comes." 

Both men watched Max ski down the slope until she stopped next to them. _God, she's so beautiful. _ Logan exchanged a bright smile with her before she greeted Chris. "Hey!" 

"Hey." 

"You're incredibly good," she told him. "Saw you going down the slope in record time. Really cool." 

Chris grinned wide. "Thanks. Like Logan said, it's just so much fun." 

"Sorry for not returning the skis," Logan said, "but you see, we simply couldn't stop using them." 

"No problem, it's not as if there were thousands of people waiting for you to return them," he told them. 

"But we will return them today," Max said. "We have to go back to Seattle this afternoon." 

"Really? Sorry about that. But there's always the next winter, right?" 

Max and Logan exchanged a short look and nodded. "Yeah." 

_Next winter. Yeah, we could come here again. Together. Right from the start. But there will not only be next winter. There will be much time in-between when I'll stay with Logan. And maybe we'll get the chance to go on other trips, _Max thought. _Gotta ask him about that. _

"Look, if you two are up for company, we could meet for lunch," Chris suggested. 

"Sure, why not," Logan nodded, when he felt Max's reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Any recommendations?" 

Chris laughed. "There is a self-service restaurant at the upper station, but…"

Logan grimaced. "Yeah, we tried that. Good food but horrible guests." 

Chris looked irritated and Max explained, "Had a run in with a couple of not so tolerant specimens yesterday. So if you have a better suggestion…?"

"Of course I have." 

He explained them where to find another restaurant with good and inexpensive food, and added, "They make sure there's always snow around the benches outside, so no problem to get there. And even though it's usually a self-service restaurant, they make an exception from that rule for mono-ski drivers." 

"Sounds good," Logan shrugged, looking up to Max, who nodded at him. 

"Yeah, why not. Meet you there at lunchtime?" 

"Twelve o'clock?" Chris asked. 

"Sharp," Max gave back. 

"See you then," Chris nodded and waved goodbye, pushing himself to go further down the slope. 

"Next winter, huh?" Max asked Logan, smiling brightly. 

"Yeah, why not?" 

"Yeah, why not?" she repeated and bent down to kiss him. 

The rest of the morning passed almost eventless, only the two of them going down slopes and enjoying themselves. When the time had come to set off to the restaurant at which they were supposed to meet Chris, it was Logan who asked, "Race you down there?" 

Max grinned. "Sure. Whoever's last to the restaurant has to pay for lunch." 

"Deal," Logan laughed and on three they headed down the mountain. 

Both went down pretty fast, knowing it was maybe their last chance to do so. They'd have to return the skis after the lunch-break and head for Seattle, so they tested how good they'd become and how fast they could go. Things went pretty well and they were close to each other until Logan, who was skiing on the right hand side of the slope completely missed the warning signs that another slope was going to cross. He saw the little kid coming fast down the crossing slope and he tried to give way. Luckily for both of them he succeeded and the kid passed unharmed, but Logan completely lost control and landed on his back pretty hard. 

Max was already much farther down and instead of coming running she shouted, "You okay?" 

Logan raised a hand and waved to indicate that he indeed was okay, but in the same moment, realized that he had again lost his crutches. _Not again, _ he cursed silently, but to his own surprise his great mood didn't change at all. _So what? I lost the crutches. I'll get them back somehow. _

"Missing something?" he suddenly heard a voice from above. When he opened the eyes he had closed before to shield them from the sun, he saw Chris sitting next to him. 

"Yeah," he said, when he saw that he held his crutches. "Thanks." _See? Everything's fine. _

"No problem. Can you get up yourself?" Chris asked. 

"Sure. Practiced that a lot the last two days," he laughed, and within seconds he sat next to Chris. "Lunch?" he asked. 

He then told himself again, _Everything is fine. This was so easy. If Chris hadn't come, somebody else would have. And if not, there's still Max. There's really nothing to be worried about. _

Chris nodded and indicated him to go first. 

Max had watched the two of them before continuing but was already releasing the bindings of her skis when Chris and Logan stopped next to her. "Looks like the bill's on you," she told Logan before tousling his hair and removing some of the snow out of it. 

"Looks like," he nodded. "My Dad used to say that you didn't learn anything if you didn't kiss the snow at least once. So that was my time for today." 

Chris and Max laughed and together they searched for a table. On their way there Chris waved to an elderly lady and she waved back. "Be there in a second," she shouted over to them. 

They found a table and Chris and Logan transferred from their mono-skis. They were just done when the woman appeared. "Hey Chris! Didn't think we'd get to see any more of you this winter." 

"Hey, Mary. Yeah, well, thought I'd use my last chance," he explained. 

"You three want to eat?" she asked. 

"Yeah, please. What's on the menu?" Chris asked. 

"We have a vegetable soup and spaghetti and hamburger. Or I can give you the menu if you want to eat something bigger." 

Chris looked over to Max and Logan, but both of them shook their heads. "I'll go for the spaghetti," Max said and Logan nodded, "Yeah, me too, please." 

Smiling, Chris added, "Make that three. And water for me to drink." 

Max and Logan ordered drinks too and Mary disappeared smiling. 

"So what happened in the other restaurant?" Chris wanted to know. "People here are usually pretty tolerant." 

"Well, not those guys," Logan said, but shrugged. "Let's not talk about it. They got their asses kicked." 

Chris looked from Logan to Max and shrugged. "Whatever you say." 

He then realized that Max and Logan on the other side of the table had pulled of their gloves and were now holding hands under the table and staring into each other's eyes every once in a while, oblivious to anything around them. "Hey, what happened to that 'We're not like that - we're just friends' thing you told me about?" he asked curiously, already grinning widely. 

Max and Logan looked at each other and smiled. "Well, we decided we wanted more than that," Logan said. 

"Yeah," Max added softly. "Sometimes friendship just isn't enough." 

"I'm really happy for both of you," Chris said, his eyes confirming the truth of his words. "I mean, a blind man could have seen how much you liked each other when you were still talking about being 'just friends'. Glad you changed you mind." 

"Thanks for that, Chris," Logan said. "You gave me a couple of things to think about." 

"Always glad to help," he laughed. "Looks like our lunch is coming." 

Mary was coming back with their plates and glasses and placed everything on the table before she went back, obviously in a hurry. They chatted a little more over lunch and Max was thrilled to hear that Chris, instead of skis, rented bikes during the summer months. 

He smiled at her enthusiasm and looked over to Logan who looked again skeptically. "Now don't make such a face," he told him. "I saw you skiing down that hills and you were doing great. Riding a handbike will be the easiest thing for you." 

"Handbike?" Logan asked. "Maybe I better stick to basketball." 

"Ahh, no Logan, we have to come back and try it out!" Max smiled her most winning smile, well knowing that Logan wouldn't be able to resist. 

_Handbiking? That's so cool. Me and Logan riding bikes. That makes the summer worth waiting for. _

"And here I thought you already pedaled enough for Normal." 

"It's something different. I'd love to pedal with you," she told him, smiling again. 

Logan sighed and leaned over to kiss her. "You know I can't resist you when you look like this." 

"Yeah, I know," Max laughed. 

Chris smiled wide at the sight of them kissing. He had seen the love between those two the first time he'd seen them together. And even though he had had the long guy talk with Logan in Matt's bar, he hadn't been sure if it had been enough. Seeing this kiss shared between the two so easily left him with the warm fuzzy feeling of having done something right. "That means I'm going to meet you two when the snow has melted?" Chris asked, curious to see how this relationship was going to develop. 

"Could be," Logan nodded and was interrupted by Max who said, "Count on us." 

About half an hour later, they said goodbye, and Max and Logan started their way back to the gondola. When they reached the lower station and got into the car Max leaned over to Logan and kissed him deeply. 

"What was that for?" he asked, when he finally got a chance to catch his breath. 

Max shrugged. "For being you. For giving me so much fun. For everything." 

He smiled. "Thanks." He then leaned over to her side and kissed her equally deep. 

"And what was that for?" Max asked in return. 

"For dragging me up here. For forcing me to finally have fun. For being you. And for the best weekend I've had in a long time." 

"You're welcome," she answered quickly and her look made him laugh. "You call that the best weekend? With all that happened? You're really a strange person, Logan Cale." 

"Yeah, maybe." 

"You're gonna stop at Chris's shop so I can return the skis?" she asked, dropping the topic. 

Logan nodded and a minute later he parked the car in front of it. 

Max jumped out, took the skis out of the trunk and brought them back to Lucy, who was sitting behind the counter, reading a book. She waited to get the receipt, then waved goodbye and went back to Logan. 

"Next stop - our agent to return the keys?" Logan asked. 

Max shrugged and waited until Logan parked the car again, then went in to return the keys. A minute later she was back in the Aztek and together they started their drive back home. 


	12. Everything is Possible

**Disclaimer** and **Spoilers**: See Chapter 1  
  
**A/N:** Yeah, well, that's it. This is officially the last chapter of this fanfic. Thanks for those who read it all, it really means a lot that people like this enough to read all 12 chapters. I hope I didn't disappoint too many of you.

Thanks a lot for all the reviews I got and thanks for the support along the way.

Special thanks to Kasman for surviving the beta of all chapters. She really spared you a lot :-)

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**  
12. EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE**

It didn't take them long to leave the little town in which they had stayed and soon they were on the wider road that led toward the highway.

Neither of them spoke for the next few minutes, both of them too engrossed in their thoughts about what had happened.

_I still can't believe how much had changed since yesterday. We're going home together and everything's different. Max wants to be with me, wants us to be together. Together. This is still so incredible. She saw it all, literally, and she still wants me to be together with her. She really seems to be okay with it all. Said she doesn't want to be without me. What else could I wish for?_

_He's so cute when he's looking like that. When he pretends to be completely focused on his driving but I know that he's not. He's thinking about something else and I believe it's us. Just look at how he smiles. How his perfect teeth shine behind those perfect lips…his lips...Focus, Max, focus. He's driving and you don't want to get killed. I can't believe how much happened this weekend. And it's really the first time I'm thankful for my seizures. If I hadn't had them and if Logan hadn't come to save me, maybe we still wouldn't talk to each other. And now look at us. We're here, in this car, going back to Seattle. It feels like a completely new life. Because of him._

Logan smiled when he realized that Max had been watching him. She had a smile on her lips that gave him butterflies in the stomach. "Penny for your thoughts?" he asked.

Max shook her head. "They're not worth that much. Thinking about you. And us."

He smiled at her. _She's thinking about us and smiling like that. That's so great._ "Looking forward to Seattle?" 

She shrugged. "Not really. I'm definitely not looking forward to Normal bipping us around and I'm not looking forward to sector checkpoints and cold showers in my crib, but I am looking forward to meeting Original Cindy and the Jam Pony gang."

"You're going to tell her? About us?" Logan asked carefully. _What if she doesn't? What if she wants this to be a secret?_

"Of course, what are you thinking? She'd kill me if she found out without me telling her straight away. And of course I want to tell everyone. I know this might sound girly, but I'm proud that we're together. I want to show you around, I want everyone to see that we're together."

Logan grinned. _She wants to show me around. That IS girly, but I love it._ "What happened to Ms. 'Maybe weddings should be held in secret'?"

Max smiled at him, a smile that spread throughout her whole face and even her whole body. Logan could have sworn he would have known she was smiling even if he'd only seen her from behind when she said, "She fell in love with the right guy."

_She fell in love with me? Did she really just say that she's in love with me?_

Max grimaced. _Hope I didn't scare him. But no, he doesn't look scared. More… pleased._

"I'm in love with you too, you know," Logan said, his eyes meeting hers before returning to the street in front of them.

She didn't answer but Logan felt her hand on his arm, slowly caressing him. He didn't need more confirmation, and with a silly grin on his face he continued driving.

When they reached the sector checkpoint on the outer perimeter of the city of Seattle, Logan asked, "Wanna come home with me or do you want me to drive you to your place?"

"Definitely come with you. I'd like to take a hot shower before I return to reality, and my Sweetheart is at your place too."

"Want to stay for dinner?"

"I was hoping you'd say that."

They had to pass another two checkpoints before Logan parked the car in the garage of Fogle Towers. Max jumped out and went to the trunk, waiting for Logan to transfer and join her. She gave him his travel bag and threw hers over her shoulder before taking the almost empty box. 

"I can take your bag," Logan said.

"I know, but I'm stronger than you," Max replied, winking. 

Logan inhaled as if to speak, but then shrugged.

_Let her carry the luggage. She IS stronger than I am, so why bother? Gender roles will not work in this relationship, that's for sure. But who cares? We'll just play by our own rules. _

He wheeled toward the elevator and pressed the button. The doors opened immediately and he indicated for Max to enter. "Ladies first," he smiled.

"A real gentleman," she laughed and went first.

When they reached the penthouse and Logan opened the door, it was again Max who entered first. She put the box onto the kitchen counter and threw her travel bag in the hallway. Then she let herself fall onto the sofa and sighed, "Finally home."

_Home? Did I just say home? This is Logan's home, not mine. But I guess I spend so much time here…A girl can have two homes, right?_

_She considers this home?_ Logan asked himself. _That's great. I wish it would be her home too, but I know that's way too early. Maybe someday this will really be our home, but for now it's mine and I'll see what I can do to make her feel comfortable._

"Do you want to take a bath while I make dinner?" he asked her.

She looked at him and smiled. "Yeah, that'd be cool. Do you have bubbles?"

Logan shrugged. "I have no idea. But maybe under the sink. So enjoy yourself and relax. And if you want to, leave your dirty clothes here, I can put them in the washing machine."

"Ah, that's so sweet," she laughed and stood up only to sit down on his lap again. Wrapping her arms around his neck she kissed him and said, "Thanks, Logan. I'll just throw my stuff in front of the washing machine."

He rubbed her back and nodded, then watched as she jumped up again and disappeared with her bag. Logan finally took the time to look around in his apartment like he always did when he came home and to his relief found everything unchanged.

_Yet it all looks so different,_ he thought._ I don't know if that's the good weather - we're still able to see outside the windows because the days are getting longer - or because I haven't been anywhere other than a hospital for so long, or maybe it's because of Max. They say that a new love is like a new life and maybe that's right. I've been living in this apartment for so long, but it's never looked as wonderful to me as it does today, when I know that the woman I love is in my bathroom, taking a bath in my bathtub and is going to have dinner with me. Our first dinner here since everything changed. Or maybe things haven't changed that much. She's been hanging around here for so long, so I should really be used to it. But today it just feels different. It feels so light, so happy, without any dark thoughts. So maybe it's me? Maybe it's not the apartment but just me who is different today? Maybe this is what if feels like when you're not either engrossed in your work or pitying yourself?_

Logan grabbed his travel bag and went to the washing machine, where he found the small pile of clothes Max had been wearing on the trip. He separated the dark from the white clothes, and, since the dark pile appeared to be the larger one, he threw those in the washer first. When the water started to run and the machine started to tumble the clothes, another thought crossed his mind. 

_I had the chance to look at Max's lingerie but I didn't. Now all her underwear is together with her and my other clothes in that washing machine. He then smiled. I hope we'll get the chance to get our underwear that close together again. Not while doing the laundry, but… Wake up, Logan. It took you almost a year to kiss her for the first time, so don't even go there. One step after the other. There'll be plenty of time for those things later in our relationship._

He then went to the kitchen to start preparing dinner. There was still some food in his fridge, in the box they'd brought back and in the closet. Looks like Max didn't take everything on our little trip. He decided on casserole and started chopping vegetables. Just when everything was ready and he had put the casserole into the oven, Max reappeared from the bathroom, wearing his red bathrobe.

Logan smiled at her and said, "You look beautiful!"

She grinned. "Yeah, sure. My hair is wet, my face hasn't seen any makeup for the whole weekend, my nails are busted…"

He grinned widely at her attempt at being all girly, but didn't believe a word she said. So he interrupted her, "…and you're wearing my bathrobe, I know. But you look absolutely gorgeous, so shut up and kiss me."

_Gorgeous? I love it when he's complimenting me. Don't know why it affects me like that. Maybe because I know that he's being honest._

Max smiled and obeyed before she asked, "What's for dinner?"

"It's already in the oven. I'm going to take a shower, okay?"

"Sure."

Max went to the living room and sat down on the couch, reading one of the computer magazines she found on the coffee table. It wasn't exactly entertaining, but she didn't care. She just needed to kill the time until Logan was finished.

When he wheeled toward her a couple of minutes later, he was wearing baggy cargo pants and a sweater, which was his version of a sweat suit, but to Max he looked hotter than in the suit he'd worn to his cousin's wedding. His hair was still damp from the shower and he wasn't wearing his glasses.

_He's so incredibly sexy. Wonder if he knows what he's doing to me. Jeez, Max, you're drooling._

He stopped in front of her and took her hand in his, smiling lovingly. Suddenly, the lights went out.

_Great, brown out. Just what I needed. First dinner with Max since we stepped to the real and now a brown out. _

"Welcome to Seattle," Max said sarcastically.

Logan sighed, "I really don't miss the brownouts."

"So what's on the menu now? And am I allowed to wear your bathrobe for the rest of the evening? 'Cause all my stuff is in your washing machine."

_Well, if she's asking, me she doesn't need to wear anything, not even my bathrobe, but maybe that's not what she wants to hear. As for the brownout…there are things worse than that._

"Of course. I can also give you a T-shirt and some pants if you want to."

"Maybe later," she replied. "For now I'll stick with the robe. Want me to get the candles?"

Logan nodded. "There are some in the cupboard in the kitchen. I'm gonna get the ones from the sideboard here."

Only a short time later the living room was full of candles and their lights created a wonderful romantic atmosphere.

_It's wonderful here,_ Max thought. _Well, we've had brownouts before and we've been in his candle-lit apartment before too, but it's never been this romantic before. But maybe I've just always tried to ignore it really hard._

"Can we stay in here for dinner? Have a picnic in the living room?" Max asked. "I'm too lazy carry the candles to the dining table."

_Dinner in the living room? Candle light dinner in the living room? That's a new. But I really like the candle light. And she seems to as well._ Logan shrugged. "If you want to. But I can't cook dinner when the oven isn't working."

Max's stomach rumbled on command. "No, Logan you can't do that! I'm going to starve! Isn't there anything we can have?"

He laughed and nodded, "I'm gonna fix us some sandwiches. Stay there, I'll get the stuff together."

Logan wheeled back into the kitchen, turned off the oven and grabbed the plates and glasses to put on the table. Back in the living room he placed everything on the table and went back again to make the sandwiches. He put them all on a plate and returned with it and a bottle of wine to put them on the coffee table too. He then set his brakes and smiled to Max on the couch next to him. She sat on her right leg, the left one was pulled up to her chin. _She looks like a child when she's sitting like that. And dinner in the living room is something I haven't done since my childhood either. Jeez, I love her. And I love her for making me do things. And I need her to make me do things. Be it skiing or dinner in the living room. She's just what I need._

He took the plates with the sandwiches and offered them wordlessly to Max. _What's he doing? He's not honestly staying there, is he?_ She took one and waited for him to take one too, then, her suspicion of him not joining her on the couch confirmed, patted the seat next to her.

"You coming here?" she asked and scooted over to give him enough space.

Logan looked surprised. "Do you want me to?"

"No, I'm just asking because I'm hoping you're not coming," she said sarcastically. "Of course I want you to." _Why does this surprise him so much? Yeah, I know, we've always sat here like this, me on the couch and him in his chair, but that doesn't mean that it's always got to be like this. Things have changed. WE have changed._ "Please?" she added. "Besides, I can't hold your hand if you sit over there."

He released the brakes again, wheeled a little closer and transferred to the empty place next to Max. When he had positioned his legs in front of him, he asked with a smile, "Better?"

"Much," she replied and kissed him on the cheek before taking her plate and starting to eat. He watched her a little moment, munching her sandwich, before he started eating too.

"You know," she started, her mouth still full of bread, "I never understood why you prefer sitting in that chair to sitting on the couch."

Logan laughed at her question he was hardly able to understand because of all the bread. "I don't exactly prefer it. There was just never a reason for me to have it any other way."

Max swallowed and asked smiling, "But now there is a reason?" 

"Yeah, of course. You asked me to."

For a long moment they just looked into each other's eyes before they remembered that they were supposed to be having dinner.

"Wine?" Logan asked to break the silence and filled their glasses.

Max nodded, grabbed another sandwich, and only minutes later, the plate was empty. She stood up and took the plates back in to the kitchen, ignoring Logan's comment about it being his task. When she came back, she sat next to him again, put her legs over his, and took her glass of wine. "You do the cooking, I do the cleaning up," she insisted. "I can manage at least that much."

"Yeah, you can," Logan nodded. "But not tonight. Not without electricity."

"Okay. So I'm going to stay here on the couch, that okay?"

_For now or for the night? What's that supposed to mean? I don't want her to stay on the couch tonight and I really don't want her to go home…Well, there's a solution for that…_

Grinning he said, "Well, you're not going home tonight, that's for sure. I don't want you to be out there during a brownout."

Max looked at him, smiling. "You're worried about me?"

"Of course I am. And I want you to stay here with me."

_He's worried about me. That's so sweet. But of course I don't want to go home tonight. Brown out or no brown out._

She put her glass back on the coffee table and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I think that could be arranged. I didn't tell OC when we would be back, so she's not worried about me being out there."

"Great," Logan said, putting his arms around her waist and pulling her even closer.

When their faces were only inches apart, Max said softly, "But you're not making me sleep on the couch or in the guest bedroom, are you?"

"Not a snowflake's chance in hell," he answered equally quietly, then leaned in to close the distance between their faces.

"I could get used to this," Max told him. "You know, candle light, you serving me dinner in the living room… but I'm not exactly sure if I will ever get used to this…" Smiling one of her million-watt-smiles, she kissed him again. 

_God, Logan, if you only knew how much this means to me. And I've never been kissed like this before. I wish we could stay here forever. Or maybe…It's already quite late, so we could…_

"What do you think about getting a little more comfortable?" she asked.

"Comfortable?"

_She's asking me to get comfortable? Is she really talking about us going to the bedroom?_

"Yeah, don't waste all your candles during one brownout. 'Cause there'll be plenty more to come, I'm afraid."

_That argument is incredibly silly, but I love it._

"Come on," Logan grinned, "You're not honestly concerned about my candle stock, are you?"

"Nah, not really. Just wanted to come back to your offer about wearing your T-shirt," she laughed, sparks in her eyes.

_My T-shirt? Her arguments are getting weaker by the minute. She's already wearing my robe, so why should she be interested in my T-shirt?_

He watched her climb from the couch and standing in front of him. "You're coming?" she asked.

Nodding, he reached for his wheelchair and transferred, then started blowing out all the candles, while Max went to the bathroom. When he got to the bedroom, she entered too, looking expectantly at him. "So, what do you have for me to wear?" she asked.

He opened the closet and pulled out two T-shirts. One was gray and the other one was blue. "Choose one," he said.

"Since I like it when you wear blue, I'm gonna take the gray one." She took the shirt and waited for him to make his stop in the bathroom so she could change without giving him the chance to see too much.

When he returned she was already lying in bed and had pulled the covers aside so that he could join her. Once he was lying next to her, he switched of the light and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

They didn't talk, there was no need for it. Just looking at each other was enough to reach an understanding.

Like the night before, back in the Cascades, their hands started to travel on the other one's back, up and down the arms and through the hair. But never more.

It didn't take long until Logan fell asleep.

_Poor guy. But of course he had to do all the driving. He's so cute when he's sleeping. I could spend all night watching him sleep. Or I catch a little nap myself. I'm a little tired too. Maybe that's because of the seizures I had? Or maybe because I feel completely safe here. I don't know._

Yawning she turned around, spooning with Logan like she had done the night before and only a few minutes later she was asleep too.

When Max woke up, only a few hours had passed. _Looks like I'm back to my regular sleeping patterns,_ she thought. The next thing she realized was that Logan's side of the bed was empty.

Stretching like a cat she got up and went looking for him, finally succeeding in the dark living room, where he was sitting in his chair in front of the window, staring out onto the city below, only clad in boxer briefs and a t-shirt.

"Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," Logan replied and turned his head to smile at her.

"Why aren't you sleeping? You okay?" she asked when she stepped next to him.

"Yeah, just thinking," he told her.

"About what?" she asked.

_About you and me and I'm not sure I wanna talk about this,_ Logan thought. _But maybe I'm just being stupid._

He took her hand and pulled her to his lap. Max pulled her legs underneath her and leaned her head against his shoulder. When Logan wrapped her arms around her, she asked again, "Thinking about what?"

"Lots of things. There are just lots of things in my head I need to understand."

"Like what?" she wanted to know, her question hardly more than a whisper.

Logan inhaled deeply. "I'm still trying very hard to understand that you're really here. Why you're here. Where we came from and where we're going. Those things."

"And what's so hard to understand about me being here? Are you still having some silly feelings of being unworthy and half a man?"

He shrugged. "Maybe." But then he thought, _Is it really that I feel like that? Isn't it more like this is the regular feeling you have when you fall in love? That there are butterflies in your stomach and you're on cloud number nine, but on the other hand there's this feeling of it all being to good to be true? I haven't really been thinking about my legs all day. There have been so many things that were so much more important than walking or not walking. And even now that Max is sitting there…I'm not thinking that I can't feel her on my legs, I'm thinking about being close to her, about how good it feels to have her here. Like…_

"Only maybe?" Max interrupted his thoughts, asking teasingly, "That's an improvement, isn't it?"

She turned her head so that she could face him and was surprised to see a wide smile on his face.

"Yeah, it is. And I lied. I wasn't thinking about that. Do you remember what I told you down at the beach, the first day I went for a walk after the transfusion made me walk again?"

"Dinner at eight?" she teased, but then remembered what else he'd said. "Yeah, I do."

_That IS an improvement, if I remember correctly what he told me. And thanks to Manticore, I never remember everything not correctly. So we have come a long way. And here we are. I'm not out on the Space Needle but here in Logan's apartment, on his lap, watching the same city I watch almost every night. And still...it's different. And I think he's right._

"So you're feeling the same way right now?" she asked.

Logan wrapped his arms around her even tighter and hid his face in her curls. 

"Yeah. Like anything and everything is possible."

**THE END**

  
_Some last (un-betaed) A/Ns:_

_Princess_ – I hope that wasn't too much "Prince Charming",   
_MsTipTop_ – I was sure nobody had read "Space Needle Thoughts" or at least wouldn't remember it, thanks for proving the opposite, even though I disagree with Logan being a nicer person when he's walking,  
_Jayme_ – hope that was enough Chris and enough M/L cuteness  
_Alaidh_ – sorry, no action, but thanks for the nitpick and the spellcheck   
_a fan_ – you are right about Logan's reaction to Chris in the chair, thanks for pointing it out. And about Logan needing a lesson… actually, I don't have the slightest idea of how mono-skiing really works, so for this fic we'll have to live with it.  
_Jade-Angel_ – guess I pulled it off, huh?  
_Misty_ – I guess that really depends on the person and the injury, so for this fic I'll go with this peeing version, okay? And no getting busy.  
_Ann_ – not too much about the Chris/ Logan convo, sorry  
_a reader_ – I know what fic you're talking about and I'm really ambivalent about it. I don't think Max is obsessed with wheelchairs, like in that other fic, and if it sounded like that, it's not what I wanted to say. I think Max is obsessed with Logan :-)  
_DarkBlaze_: Thanks for the review and the spellcheck

  


  



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